Hi, followers (and others),
I have written at length in the past about my "procrastination challenge." Hmmmm. Well. I have another personality challenge to share with you all. Aren't you just itching to know all about it? I know, my life is full of exciting and juicy details and adventures. Hold onto your hats, it's another doozy. No clues from the title, huh?
I have a small problem not finishing what I start. A problem with getting started AND with completing things?? NO! Say it ain't so! It's true. I have a long history of giving up on projects looooong before they're done. For various reasons....I get bored with it, it's not as fun to do as it was to think about doing, it's too hard, it's not going the way I envisioned, I've hit a wall with ideas or ways to overcome a problem, I just don't have a passion for it, I just don't like it! Hence, my long list of unfinished projects. Once in a while, I have even been known to throw something away if I absolutely don't want to go back to it, but looking at it makes me feel guilty for not completing it (case in point...I started a cross stitch picture of a swan for my mother one year...for Christmas...and was probably 80% done with it when I stopped working on it. I just didn't finish it. I didn't want to finish it, I was so sick of that stinkin' swan. I didn't want to look at it ever again, for reasons I don't want to go into...but it took me at least 5 years to finally get rid of it, because I kept thinking I SHOULD finish it, when my sister told me to stop feeling guilty about a dumb picture and toss it...so I did). That's just one example and one reason....it feels like there are myriads of both.
Not that I NEVER finish anything, of course I do! But just like getting STARTED on a project, I have to have a good REASON to do it, and I have to have the proper passion or motivation to FINISH one also. Like it's a gift for someone else or someone is really counting on me to do it....that's usually a good one to get me to start AND finish something. Usually, but not always.... and just because I thought of it and it's a really good idea and I get excited about it, that's not usually enough to keep me going all the way to completion. And I'm not sure why (LOL, this is where my not really caring enough about the why to pursue it comes in!). Probably because I get overwhelmed with the magnitude of the project, I get daunted with the seemingly ENDLESS steps to the project. For example, I have a really good idea for a children's book, and even started planning the storyboard and watercolors for it and taking pictures to paint from, and ALMOST got the first painting started....a year ago. Doing a project just for myself? Uh, no. Rarely. Even when I know deep down it could be GREAT? No.
Perhaps, in some way, I don't feel worthy to invest the time and effort just for my own pleasure or feeling of accomplishment. It's only worth doing if it's for someone else. Yeah, that sounds about right. Putting it on paper, right out there in the light of day, it sounds really dumb. But false negative self-perceptions are really dumb, however real they feel and damaging they ARE. I will just keep fighting against those lies, those damaging feelings. And yeah, I have several new ideas. I wonder where they will take me? Anywhere? I have hope.
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
Monday, August 19, 2019
Post-Move Update
Hey, my faithful few!
Well, as most of you know, I DID finally start packing boxes...about 10 days before my move to the little rural burg of Caldwell, Idaho. It got done, with the help of several good friends, who kept me moving forward and somewhat focused on the task. And I was able to downsize and de-clutterfy (of course that's a word!) quite a bit. I had no choice, the house we bought is literally half the size of our old Big House. I couldn't be happier with the size of this house! So many LESS places to stash unneeded stuff!! Of course, once we were moved in, I came to the realization that I can do without about 5 or 6 more boxes worth of stuff. Ah well, I'll get to that a little at a time. Now that I have fewer things, I find I really really like that. I want less.....and less!
The slight problem I am now faced with...we have a storage unit (weeelllll, actually 2) full of boxes and boxes of stuff I don't want in my house, stuff I was planning to put in a yard sale, a yard sale I no longer want ANY part of! Ugh, no way. Lesson learned. Don't hang on to stuff at all, unless you're really committed to making a little money and putting in the huge effort to make that little bit of money. Ah well, most of it I will just make my hubby and son take to the thrift store! Not my problem...teehee. I do have several pieces of decent furniture that we plan to sell on Craig's List, but that too will have to wait until hubby is ready to do it, when he's finally completely fed up with paying that storage rental fee every month. It will happen soon enough.
Moved in, mostly decorated (only have pictures left to hang), grass in the front and back yard, weeds almost under control...not too bad for being here 4 1/2 months already! I like coming home to this house now, and I love that it still has that new house smell, even with a big ole dopey dog. It makes me happy to have new for the first time in about 28 years. I just LOVE new. Really really.
Well, as most of you know, I DID finally start packing boxes...about 10 days before my move to the little rural burg of Caldwell, Idaho. It got done, with the help of several good friends, who kept me moving forward and somewhat focused on the task. And I was able to downsize and de-clutterfy (of course that's a word!) quite a bit. I had no choice, the house we bought is literally half the size of our old Big House. I couldn't be happier with the size of this house! So many LESS places to stash unneeded stuff!! Of course, once we were moved in, I came to the realization that I can do without about 5 or 6 more boxes worth of stuff. Ah well, I'll get to that a little at a time. Now that I have fewer things, I find I really really like that. I want less.....and less!
The slight problem I am now faced with...we have a storage unit (weeelllll, actually 2) full of boxes and boxes of stuff I don't want in my house, stuff I was planning to put in a yard sale, a yard sale I no longer want ANY part of! Ugh, no way. Lesson learned. Don't hang on to stuff at all, unless you're really committed to making a little money and putting in the huge effort to make that little bit of money. Ah well, most of it I will just make my hubby and son take to the thrift store! Not my problem...teehee. I do have several pieces of decent furniture that we plan to sell on Craig's List, but that too will have to wait until hubby is ready to do it, when he's finally completely fed up with paying that storage rental fee every month. It will happen soon enough.
Moved in, mostly decorated (only have pictures left to hang), grass in the front and back yard, weeds almost under control...not too bad for being here 4 1/2 months already! I like coming home to this house now, and I love that it still has that new house smell, even with a big ole dopey dog. It makes me happy to have new for the first time in about 28 years. I just LOVE new. Really really.
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
Procrastinator, Thy Name is ANN.
Oooooh yeah, that's me. I put off everything! You may think I'm exaggerating, but really...most of the time, most of the things. I procrastinate housework. I procrastinate laundry. I procrastinate kitchen cleaning. I procrastinate getting up in the morning (just long enough that I'm always about two minutes late for work...our company grants us a ten minute window, so that it's not really a big deal and no one is waiting on me to clock in for their lunch or anything; the first two to three hours of my day I'm working on my own...but still....I've been trying so HARD the past year to clock in ON TIME that I get very frustrated with myself).
I am currently procrastinating packing boxes for an upcoming move (which is just craziness, because I've begun to look forward to moving, and am VERY excited about cleaning out a bunch of stuff accumulated over the last eight years we've lived in the Big House. I really like tossing stuff and simplifying and starting fresh in a new place). I've had a whole bunch of boxes sitting in my dining room for about five days. I have tape. I have markers. I have a notebook to record the contents of each packed box and which room it will go to. I have a general plan for the flow of my packing. And yet....have I packed a single box? Nope. When am I going to get started anyway? Dunno. I'll get to it! It's most likely because it is a HUGE and daunting task, and I'm overwhelmed. Yeah, that's it.
I honestly haven't a clue why I am this way (I'm really not much of a navel-gazer unless forced into it). And it seems that I have this innate ability to push starting things until the very last minute that I will be able to get it done on time (yes, occasionally I miscalculate and have to scramble to get something finished). I have, once in a blue moon, started early on a project to give myself plenty of time to perfect it...but I have to be over-the-moon excited about it or very nervous about failure. There has to be great emotion attached. Generally, I guess I'm apathetic about many things. This is not a good thing, guys.
Anyway, I'll bet there are some of you out there who have the same struggle (I really want to say "character flaw" but I don't want to be as hard on the rest of you as I am on myself). Each day I make a plan and resolve to start on this monumental task. Each day I come home from work tired and don't do a thing about it (if only my daughter were here...she'd give me the gentle shove/kick in the pants I need to get going; once I'm moving I have the tendency to keep moving until it's finished...a body in motion and all that). It will get done, just like everything else eventually gets done. I just don't keep up with the pace as well as I used to, or bounce back from total exhaustion as easily. If I wait too long to start, I will be killing myself to get finished. Eeeeeeek! I need to start!
I am currently procrastinating packing boxes for an upcoming move (which is just craziness, because I've begun to look forward to moving, and am VERY excited about cleaning out a bunch of stuff accumulated over the last eight years we've lived in the Big House. I really like tossing stuff and simplifying and starting fresh in a new place). I've had a whole bunch of boxes sitting in my dining room for about five days. I have tape. I have markers. I have a notebook to record the contents of each packed box and which room it will go to. I have a general plan for the flow of my packing. And yet....have I packed a single box? Nope. When am I going to get started anyway? Dunno. I'll get to it! It's most likely because it is a HUGE and daunting task, and I'm overwhelmed. Yeah, that's it.
I honestly haven't a clue why I am this way (I'm really not much of a navel-gazer unless forced into it). And it seems that I have this innate ability to push starting things until the very last minute that I will be able to get it done on time (yes, occasionally I miscalculate and have to scramble to get something finished). I have, once in a blue moon, started early on a project to give myself plenty of time to perfect it...but I have to be over-the-moon excited about it or very nervous about failure. There has to be great emotion attached. Generally, I guess I'm apathetic about many things. This is not a good thing, guys.
Anyway, I'll bet there are some of you out there who have the same struggle (I really want to say "character flaw" but I don't want to be as hard on the rest of you as I am on myself). Each day I make a plan and resolve to start on this monumental task. Each day I come home from work tired and don't do a thing about it (if only my daughter were here...she'd give me the gentle shove/kick in the pants I need to get going; once I'm moving I have the tendency to keep moving until it's finished...a body in motion and all that). It will get done, just like everything else eventually gets done. I just don't keep up with the pace as well as I used to, or bounce back from total exhaustion as easily. If I wait too long to start, I will be killing myself to get finished. Eeeeeeek! I need to start!
Monday, January 14, 2019
I Still Have A Voice
Yes, I have a voice! Well no, not literally....but I still have plenty to say. I can be a real chatterbox, just ask my family, if they still remember that.
For those of you who know the old me, the talkative me, you'd probably be surprised by how quiet I have become. It wasn't by choice, but by a....well, I want to say a mean twist of fate or an act of God...but not knowing the mind or workings of the Lord I will say it is just how things have turned out. My voice is my "thorn in the flesh," and I alternate between begging God to fix it and asking for the patience to endure.
I have what is called "spasmodic dystonia," a neurological disorder that supposedly only 2% of the population has. Yeah, pretty rare. Personally, I think that percentage is a little higher, because I think there are a lot of older people out there who just think it's a sign of aging and don't seek treatment for it. After all, it's annoying but not life threatening (which is the reason there is little research going on for it). Hey, we even have our own "society" and website to keep us updated on it and tell us if there are any new procedures to help it (so far there aren't). Basically, my brain miscommunicates with my vocal cords and makes them spasm when I try to talk. You can have "adductor," "abductor", or add a tremor in there (I think my aunt on my mother's side had the tremor, thinking back).
It started about 12 years ago, while we still lived in California. It was intermittent so I wasn't that concerned. I actually thought maybe it was something due to sinus problems that I had most of the time. My doctor prescribed a nasal spray, which I tried for about a month, but I hated using it and it made my eyes dry out which affected my contact wearing (plus it didn't help my voice a bit). Then she sent me to a speech therapist who told me I talked in too low a register, and I should practice talking higher...you know, like Minnie Mouse. Have you ever tried doing that? Totally changing the register that you use to talk? Not just for funnsies or putting on an accent, but permanently. Not happening, folks. I'm not proud of it, but I laughed at her. I knew deep down that wasn't the answer. So I just lived with it. But I held a grudge about the speech therapist who didn't seem to know what she was talking about (more about that in a bit).
Ever so gradually, my voice got worse. Sometimes it would just "choke up," like someone was holding my throat in a tight grip. It didn't hurt (still doesn't, thank the Lord), but I would sound like I was about to cry, that chokey sound, especially when I was stressed or nervous, or embarrassed, or angry. People would get that concerned look and say, "Are you alright?" Yes, I'm fine....but so embarrassed about it.
It finally got so bad that I Googled my symptoms and found the Spasmodic Dystonia website. My symptoms fit to a tee. Chokey sounding or raspy or whispery, but you can yell past it (yes, I can still yell when the occasion calls for it, but I kind of have to gear myself up for it, it takes extra concentration and effort), other normal sounding things are laughing or one-word answers...weird huh? My laugh sounds like it always did, but again, who can go through life talking while they laugh??? It's a very odd malady. Some people can even sing just fine, even though they can't talk. Me? Mostly no.
After I felt pretty sure about what was plaguing me, I went to my GP here in Boise, who recommended a vocal therapist (one of the best in Boise), and this is different from a speech therapist, because she specializes in problems with vocal cords and not speech patterns. She was wonderful, I must say. She was kind and patient and informative. I told her my history and my grudge against the speech therapist, and she kindly pointed out that this problem was just coming to light in the last few years, and that my speech therapist and my doctor had probably never even heard of it at that point. Okay, okay, I guess I can let it go then. Unfortunately, she couldn't help me much, but she tested me vocally (mostly reading things out loud), and recommended a good ENT doctor for me to go see, to confirm her theory and make a diagnosis. He was really nice also, and confirmed her diagnosis.
Here's where it gets more frustrating for those of us suffering with this problem. As I said, there is not much research in this area because it's not life threatening. They can't operate on that part of the brain that's causing the problem, because it's in too risky a spot near the brain stem. The only two treatments for this (at this time) are surgery where they pretty much take your vocal cords totally apart and put them back together (and it's very expensive, takes a year to fully recover, and there's no guarantee that it will work...usually does, but not always...oh, and I would have to travel to San Diego or Seattle to have it done)...or Botox injections in your vocal cords (pretty expensive also, and you have to have it done every 3-6 months depending on how well you respond to it). Uh yeah...no.
Well, that was my initial reaction, but I did end up trying that and it worked great for about a year. Then it stopped working. The first time it didn't work, I thought he had missed. That is possible. He does it with a tiny camera, and has me say "eeeeee" and when he sees the vibration on camera that's where he injects, on both sides. Not a pleasant experience, but I can endure almost anything for about the two minutes it takes for him to do it (the hardest part is trying my best not to cough, because that needle moving around and re-positioning around your airway makes you need to cough almost uncontrollably, and you really don't want to do that when he has a needle in there trying to find a sweet spot at $850 a pop). So I thought he missed. We talked and after a month, he offered to do it again for free. Still no difference. Talk about a disappointment.
So I have continued to "deteriorate" vocally. I can barely speak above a whisper now, and in customer service (where I help quite a few older hard-of-hearing people every day), it's a total pain in the neck...no pun intended. Almost EVERY. SINGLE. CUSTOMER every day asks if I'm sick or if I've lost my voice, if I have laryngitis. Yeah. Every customer. Every day. All day. It's difficult to stay cheerful and smiling about it all the time. If they say, "Oh, have you lost your voice?" I just smile and nod. If they say, "Oh, are you sick? Have you caught that flu that's going around?" I just smile and whisper, "No, I'm fine." If they keep going, which they often do (hey, I know they're being nice, being helpful, being sympathetic....I get it....I remind myself of it constantly....but it is still soooooooo irritating sometimes), and start giving me laryngitis cures, I usually smile ruefully and say, "That won't help what I've got." My co-workers sometimes try to help me out and pipe up..."No she's not sick, that's the way she always sounds." Usually we can laugh about it, but they feel bad for me having to hear it all day. Even the regulars will occasionally say, "Do you STILL have no voice???" or "Oh, hasn't gotten any better, huh?" Sigh..........no, no better.
Yeah, yeah....poor poor pitiful me. Yes, sometimes I get depressed about it (like on singing night at church...I used to love that so much...now, I would love to just listen, but I know God wants me to do what I can to praise Him, and I know I still sound lovely to Him...AND in heaven, I will once again be able to sing out, I just know it!!!). Sometimes I have just had enough by the time I get home and do NOT want to try to talk any more (which doesn't always wash with an eight-year-old who is very chatty when he gets home from school...I let him do most of the talking). Sometimes I get really REALLY close to losing it when I have to repeat myself three times at home. I have been known to yell just so I won't have to repeat it. Again. And then I sound angry and get hurt looks. I'm not angry, not really. Just frustrated and tired of the trying. Ugh.
All that very long explanation to say that I still want to communicate. I still have something to say (once in a while). Maybe I'll do it here. You'll let me have a voice here, right? Of course you will. Thanks, guys.
For those of you who know the old me, the talkative me, you'd probably be surprised by how quiet I have become. It wasn't by choice, but by a....well, I want to say a mean twist of fate or an act of God...but not knowing the mind or workings of the Lord I will say it is just how things have turned out. My voice is my "thorn in the flesh," and I alternate between begging God to fix it and asking for the patience to endure.
I have what is called "spasmodic dystonia," a neurological disorder that supposedly only 2% of the population has. Yeah, pretty rare. Personally, I think that percentage is a little higher, because I think there are a lot of older people out there who just think it's a sign of aging and don't seek treatment for it. After all, it's annoying but not life threatening (which is the reason there is little research going on for it). Hey, we even have our own "society" and website to keep us updated on it and tell us if there are any new procedures to help it (so far there aren't). Basically, my brain miscommunicates with my vocal cords and makes them spasm when I try to talk. You can have "adductor," "abductor", or add a tremor in there (I think my aunt on my mother's side had the tremor, thinking back).
It started about 12 years ago, while we still lived in California. It was intermittent so I wasn't that concerned. I actually thought maybe it was something due to sinus problems that I had most of the time. My doctor prescribed a nasal spray, which I tried for about a month, but I hated using it and it made my eyes dry out which affected my contact wearing (plus it didn't help my voice a bit). Then she sent me to a speech therapist who told me I talked in too low a register, and I should practice talking higher...you know, like Minnie Mouse. Have you ever tried doing that? Totally changing the register that you use to talk? Not just for funnsies or putting on an accent, but permanently. Not happening, folks. I'm not proud of it, but I laughed at her. I knew deep down that wasn't the answer. So I just lived with it. But I held a grudge about the speech therapist who didn't seem to know what she was talking about (more about that in a bit).
Ever so gradually, my voice got worse. Sometimes it would just "choke up," like someone was holding my throat in a tight grip. It didn't hurt (still doesn't, thank the Lord), but I would sound like I was about to cry, that chokey sound, especially when I was stressed or nervous, or embarrassed, or angry. People would get that concerned look and say, "Are you alright?" Yes, I'm fine....but so embarrassed about it.
It finally got so bad that I Googled my symptoms and found the Spasmodic Dystonia website. My symptoms fit to a tee. Chokey sounding or raspy or whispery, but you can yell past it (yes, I can still yell when the occasion calls for it, but I kind of have to gear myself up for it, it takes extra concentration and effort), other normal sounding things are laughing or one-word answers...weird huh? My laugh sounds like it always did, but again, who can go through life talking while they laugh??? It's a very odd malady. Some people can even sing just fine, even though they can't talk. Me? Mostly no.
After I felt pretty sure about what was plaguing me, I went to my GP here in Boise, who recommended a vocal therapist (one of the best in Boise), and this is different from a speech therapist, because she specializes in problems with vocal cords and not speech patterns. She was wonderful, I must say. She was kind and patient and informative. I told her my history and my grudge against the speech therapist, and she kindly pointed out that this problem was just coming to light in the last few years, and that my speech therapist and my doctor had probably never even heard of it at that point. Okay, okay, I guess I can let it go then. Unfortunately, she couldn't help me much, but she tested me vocally (mostly reading things out loud), and recommended a good ENT doctor for me to go see, to confirm her theory and make a diagnosis. He was really nice also, and confirmed her diagnosis.
Here's where it gets more frustrating for those of us suffering with this problem. As I said, there is not much research in this area because it's not life threatening. They can't operate on that part of the brain that's causing the problem, because it's in too risky a spot near the brain stem. The only two treatments for this (at this time) are surgery where they pretty much take your vocal cords totally apart and put them back together (and it's very expensive, takes a year to fully recover, and there's no guarantee that it will work...usually does, but not always...oh, and I would have to travel to San Diego or Seattle to have it done)...or Botox injections in your vocal cords (pretty expensive also, and you have to have it done every 3-6 months depending on how well you respond to it). Uh yeah...no.
Well, that was my initial reaction, but I did end up trying that and it worked great for about a year. Then it stopped working. The first time it didn't work, I thought he had missed. That is possible. He does it with a tiny camera, and has me say "eeeeee" and when he sees the vibration on camera that's where he injects, on both sides. Not a pleasant experience, but I can endure almost anything for about the two minutes it takes for him to do it (the hardest part is trying my best not to cough, because that needle moving around and re-positioning around your airway makes you need to cough almost uncontrollably, and you really don't want to do that when he has a needle in there trying to find a sweet spot at $850 a pop). So I thought he missed. We talked and after a month, he offered to do it again for free. Still no difference. Talk about a disappointment.
So I have continued to "deteriorate" vocally. I can barely speak above a whisper now, and in customer service (where I help quite a few older hard-of-hearing people every day), it's a total pain in the neck...no pun intended. Almost EVERY. SINGLE. CUSTOMER every day asks if I'm sick or if I've lost my voice, if I have laryngitis. Yeah. Every customer. Every day. All day. It's difficult to stay cheerful and smiling about it all the time. If they say, "Oh, have you lost your voice?" I just smile and nod. If they say, "Oh, are you sick? Have you caught that flu that's going around?" I just smile and whisper, "No, I'm fine." If they keep going, which they often do (hey, I know they're being nice, being helpful, being sympathetic....I get it....I remind myself of it constantly....but it is still soooooooo irritating sometimes), and start giving me laryngitis cures, I usually smile ruefully and say, "That won't help what I've got." My co-workers sometimes try to help me out and pipe up..."No she's not sick, that's the way she always sounds." Usually we can laugh about it, but they feel bad for me having to hear it all day. Even the regulars will occasionally say, "Do you STILL have no voice???" or "Oh, hasn't gotten any better, huh?" Sigh..........no, no better.
Yeah, yeah....poor poor pitiful me. Yes, sometimes I get depressed about it (like on singing night at church...I used to love that so much...now, I would love to just listen, but I know God wants me to do what I can to praise Him, and I know I still sound lovely to Him...AND in heaven, I will once again be able to sing out, I just know it!!!). Sometimes I have just had enough by the time I get home and do NOT want to try to talk any more (which doesn't always wash with an eight-year-old who is very chatty when he gets home from school...I let him do most of the talking). Sometimes I get really REALLY close to losing it when I have to repeat myself three times at home. I have been known to yell just so I won't have to repeat it. Again. And then I sound angry and get hurt looks. I'm not angry, not really. Just frustrated and tired of the trying. Ugh.
All that very long explanation to say that I still want to communicate. I still have something to say (once in a while). Maybe I'll do it here. You'll let me have a voice here, right? Of course you will. Thanks, guys.
Sunday, January 6, 2019
January 1, 2019
Yep, it's me. Yes, it's been a long long time since I posted on this blog. In fact, I'm surprised it's still here! I haven't posted anything in about 18 months. The time sure flies when you're doing nothing creative or interesting. I have been floundering in some ways, flourishing in others. More floundering than the other I will freely admit.
I have been really procrastinating making any kind of concrete goals this year, and that sort of bums me out, because most years I create and hone and fine tune my goals for at least a couple of weeks before THE BIG DAY (all caps in my head...starting a new year is a big deal to me). I love that process...usually. Perhaps this year is different because I've already been working on several good habits the last few years, and it feels slightly redundant to make goals that I'm already pursuing. Perhaps it's the post-holiday exhaustion blahs. Maybe I'm just feeling apathetic toward improvement in general (not that I don't recognize the need for it...as I've stated elsewhere, I know I'm a work in progress). And it could be that due to impending changes in our household in the next several months, I just don't want to think about anything deep (I've always struggled with major change, it is really gut-wrenching for me...I normally don't handle it well and feel totally overwhelmed/stressed/exhausted).
Whatever the reason, I am not feeling particularly ambitious about myself or goal-setting this year. But I slogged through the mire in my mind and have come up with some worthwhile things to work toward. Now if I can just state them coherently....
The following SEVEN areas of my life I have adopted from The Slight Edge. They are placed in the order that the book puts them in, and do not reflect their priority order in my life. I am working to be a well-rounded, content, loving, generous, wise Christian who is in relatively good health physically, mentally, spiritually. I will list a goal, then one or two (or three) daily habits to help me achieve it.
HEALTH -
Since I'm turning 60 this year, I need to make my physical health a major priority. I still struggle toward losing 50 pounds to complete a vow I made to myself waaaaaaay back in 2009. 40 to go...
Small daily habits - clean fast at least 16 hours per day, 15 minutes of some type of exercise, lots of water!
HAPPINESS -
Keeping in mind that service to others helps foster happiness and contentment, I will work to incorporate "others" into more than one of my areas. But I'm especially working on the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5.
Small daily habits - write three things I'm thankful for in my journal, conscious act of kindness toward someone other than family (I can always find an extra kindness to show someone where I work, either a customer or coworker)
RELATIONSHIPS -
I want to continue working on a close relationship with my physical and spiritual families. Having brethren into our home on a regular basis is important to me.
Small daily habits - write a note to someone, either mail, email, or text - 5 people per week (this includes some to physical family members), do a household chore to help keep our home inviting and "company ready", invite a different family from church over for a meal at least once a month
SPIRITUAL/PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT -
Since this is the most important category for me, it will necessarily have the most good habits to work toward, the most time invested and the most daily things to do. The only concrete goal is to read the whole Bible in a year.
Small daily habits - read three chapters in the Bible, work on memory verses (using Scripture Typer app), pray at least twice a day, do Lumosity (another app) brain games and word puzzles, read at least 10 pages of an uplifting or educational or helpful book
FINANCES -
Our whole family is planning a Disneyland vacation in the fall of 2019, so I'm saving $100 per month by purchasing stock from my paychecks. I'm also going to save $200 from each bonus check this year (3). I don't know if that will be enough, but if not we'll keep planning for next year!
CAREER -
I'm working toward retirement in 5 years (hopefully, if all goes well...Lord willing), and I plan to simplify and downsize my "stuff" during the next year. Since I'm not much of a pack rat, that shouldn't be too painful or daunting.
Small daily habits - Do my best at work and at home, sort through stuff in every room and the dungeon (basement storage area) a little every day (just 5 minutes will make a dent quickly) and donate (or sell) at least one box/bag per week, plus at least one filled trash bag per week
POSITIVE IMPACT ON THE WORLD -
I'm not always sure what this looks like. I do small things like recycling and reusing things. I donate a lot more used things than I sell, I give to charities on a regular basis that I believe are worthwhile (and usually local, benefiting people here in the Boise area). I'm always on the lookout for ways to help, especially brethren that have a need. And I'm open to suggestions....
PLEASE NOTE THAT THERE ARE NO ARTISTIC/CREATIVE GOALS IN THIS LIST, AS IS MY CUSTOM. Recently I have done a lot of soul-searching and come to the painful conclusion that setting big lofty artistic goals and having major projects is not practical at this time in my life, and only puts undue pressure on myself, causing so much unnecessary stress. I have so many things that I want to do, want to pursue, but my attention and my care are very much needed elsewhere, especially in my home, for my family. So I will be creative when there is spare time and when the mood strikes, and we'll keep it loose and stress-free (my son and I have set up an "art date" once a week just to keep me doing something). Those big ideas and projects are mostly written down and they're not going anywhere. Lord willing, they'll be there in a few short years, when my attention is not quite so in demand. Time. Time is very precious and every moment needs to count and be used with gratitude, as we "older" folks learn with each swiftly passing year. I waste and carelessly toss aside too much of it, and I need to use it more wisely....and for others.
So there it is. That's my list, my goals, my daily habits. Make of it what you will, at least I finally finished this post....and it's only January 6!
I have been really procrastinating making any kind of concrete goals this year, and that sort of bums me out, because most years I create and hone and fine tune my goals for at least a couple of weeks before THE BIG DAY (all caps in my head...starting a new year is a big deal to me). I love that process...usually. Perhaps this year is different because I've already been working on several good habits the last few years, and it feels slightly redundant to make goals that I'm already pursuing. Perhaps it's the post-holiday exhaustion blahs. Maybe I'm just feeling apathetic toward improvement in general (not that I don't recognize the need for it...as I've stated elsewhere, I know I'm a work in progress). And it could be that due to impending changes in our household in the next several months, I just don't want to think about anything deep (I've always struggled with major change, it is really gut-wrenching for me...I normally don't handle it well and feel totally overwhelmed/stressed/exhausted).
Whatever the reason, I am not feeling particularly ambitious about myself or goal-setting this year. But I slogged through the mire in my mind and have come up with some worthwhile things to work toward. Now if I can just state them coherently....
The following SEVEN areas of my life I have adopted from The Slight Edge. They are placed in the order that the book puts them in, and do not reflect their priority order in my life. I am working to be a well-rounded, content, loving, generous, wise Christian who is in relatively good health physically, mentally, spiritually. I will list a goal, then one or two (or three) daily habits to help me achieve it.
HEALTH -
Since I'm turning 60 this year, I need to make my physical health a major priority. I still struggle toward losing 50 pounds to complete a vow I made to myself waaaaaaay back in 2009. 40 to go...
Small daily habits - clean fast at least 16 hours per day, 15 minutes of some type of exercise, lots of water!
HAPPINESS -
Keeping in mind that service to others helps foster happiness and contentment, I will work to incorporate "others" into more than one of my areas. But I'm especially working on the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5.
Small daily habits - write three things I'm thankful for in my journal, conscious act of kindness toward someone other than family (I can always find an extra kindness to show someone where I work, either a customer or coworker)
RELATIONSHIPS -
I want to continue working on a close relationship with my physical and spiritual families. Having brethren into our home on a regular basis is important to me.
Small daily habits - write a note to someone, either mail, email, or text - 5 people per week (this includes some to physical family members), do a household chore to help keep our home inviting and "company ready", invite a different family from church over for a meal at least once a month
SPIRITUAL/PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT -
Since this is the most important category for me, it will necessarily have the most good habits to work toward, the most time invested and the most daily things to do. The only concrete goal is to read the whole Bible in a year.
Small daily habits - read three chapters in the Bible, work on memory verses (using Scripture Typer app), pray at least twice a day, do Lumosity (another app) brain games and word puzzles, read at least 10 pages of an uplifting or educational or helpful book
FINANCES -
Our whole family is planning a Disneyland vacation in the fall of 2019, so I'm saving $100 per month by purchasing stock from my paychecks. I'm also going to save $200 from each bonus check this year (3). I don't know if that will be enough, but if not we'll keep planning for next year!
CAREER -
I'm working toward retirement in 5 years (hopefully, if all goes well...Lord willing), and I plan to simplify and downsize my "stuff" during the next year. Since I'm not much of a pack rat, that shouldn't be too painful or daunting.
Small daily habits - Do my best at work and at home, sort through stuff in every room and the dungeon (basement storage area) a little every day (just 5 minutes will make a dent quickly) and donate (or sell) at least one box/bag per week, plus at least one filled trash bag per week
POSITIVE IMPACT ON THE WORLD -
I'm not always sure what this looks like. I do small things like recycling and reusing things. I donate a lot more used things than I sell, I give to charities on a regular basis that I believe are worthwhile (and usually local, benefiting people here in the Boise area). I'm always on the lookout for ways to help, especially brethren that have a need. And I'm open to suggestions....
PLEASE NOTE THAT THERE ARE NO ARTISTIC/CREATIVE GOALS IN THIS LIST, AS IS MY CUSTOM. Recently I have done a lot of soul-searching and come to the painful conclusion that setting big lofty artistic goals and having major projects is not practical at this time in my life, and only puts undue pressure on myself, causing so much unnecessary stress. I have so many things that I want to do, want to pursue, but my attention and my care are very much needed elsewhere, especially in my home, for my family. So I will be creative when there is spare time and when the mood strikes, and we'll keep it loose and stress-free (my son and I have set up an "art date" once a week just to keep me doing something). Those big ideas and projects are mostly written down and they're not going anywhere. Lord willing, they'll be there in a few short years, when my attention is not quite so in demand. Time. Time is very precious and every moment needs to count and be used with gratitude, as we "older" folks learn with each swiftly passing year. I waste and carelessly toss aside too much of it, and I need to use it more wisely....and for others.
So there it is. That's my list, my goals, my daily habits. Make of it what you will, at least I finally finished this post....and it's only January 6!
Monday, June 19, 2017
Book Review --- Sort Of
I recently tried reading a book titled The Laws of Simplicity by Jon Maeda. I slogged through the first two or three chapters, then skimmed ahead to see if there was going to be anything I could glean for myself from this very technical book. There wasn't.
Don't get me wrong, it is a well written book with some very good insights for today's technological age and business climate. I think business owners could gain a great deal from it, especially if you have a product to produce and sell, or need some insights in marketing your product or services. But it was a hard read (my impatience rears its ugly head here), and because there was no clear cut value obvious for personal growth, I gave up on it (and it is a rare occasion that I don't read a book cover to cover...I always feel I should give the author every opportunity to touch me).
My thinking is there are literally thousands of self help and personal growth books out there. I would probably not be able to read all of them in a lifetime, so I can discard one that is not immediately helpful or is obviously out of my league, like this one.
I am currently reading one book and alternately listening to another one on audiobook. I'll be able to review both of those soon. In the meantime, I'll keep working on my baby steps.....falling down....laboriously pulling myself up again.....never giving up.
Don't get me wrong, it is a well written book with some very good insights for today's technological age and business climate. I think business owners could gain a great deal from it, especially if you have a product to produce and sell, or need some insights in marketing your product or services. But it was a hard read (my impatience rears its ugly head here), and because there was no clear cut value obvious for personal growth, I gave up on it (and it is a rare occasion that I don't read a book cover to cover...I always feel I should give the author every opportunity to touch me).
My thinking is there are literally thousands of self help and personal growth books out there. I would probably not be able to read all of them in a lifetime, so I can discard one that is not immediately helpful or is obviously out of my league, like this one.
I am currently reading one book and alternately listening to another one on audiobook. I'll be able to review both of those soon. In the meantime, I'll keep working on my baby steps.....falling down....laboriously pulling myself up again.....never giving up.
Friday, June 9, 2017
Another Finished Project --- This Time Finished By ME
This is a quick update to show an item on my "unfinished business" list that I actually completed (instead of my son doing it for me). I've had this photograph for several years of my brother-in-law, which I thought to do a black and white wash of. I love this photo, so it's been in my head for quite some time. I may still try a grayscale watercolor of it, but because I was just trying to get myself to do something, ANYTHING, I did a pencil drawing of it instead. I did put some time in on it, probably 4-5 hours (I'm really not sure, because I started it back in February and just made myself get back to it last week), but to perfect it would have taken at least another 2-3 hours, and I wasn't looking for perfection, just doing the work.
Just so you know, I'm like any other artist that ever lived; I don't like sharing my work unless I'm really happy with it, but I do partly to acknowledge to myself that I completed something and not to belittle that in my head, and partly to encourage others to chase their dreams. If I can make myself work in spite of all my fears, others can too. So here it is....perhaps I'll title it, "Man in Suit and Hat".
Just so you know, I'm like any other artist that ever lived; I don't like sharing my work unless I'm really happy with it, but I do partly to acknowledge to myself that I completed something and not to belittle that in my head, and partly to encourage others to chase their dreams. If I can make myself work in spite of all my fears, others can too. So here it is....perhaps I'll title it, "Man in Suit and Hat".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)