Combo-blog today

 Another Monday, another difficult motivation day. So, I've decided to combine writing my blog with doing a writing prompt from a book by Tarn Wilson, 5-Minute Daily Writing Prompts, which was a gift from my sweet daughter who is always gently encouraging me to use my artistic talents. There are about 500 different prompts in this book to help spark the imagination and get you to write, even if for only 5 minutes at a time. Today I'll attempt Prompt #3 - Memoir, Voice. I'm supposed to remember a place that has emotional significance. In the voice of a tour guide, I'm to introduce someone to this place.

Here at our second stop on the tour of the childhood homes of the notorious fiction writer, Ann Meredith, we approach the small house in North Little Rock, where she recalls most of her earliest memories in her memoir, Memories of an ArkaTexan. This was the last house where they all lived together as a family, and they lived here approximately 3 years. As we climb the steps to the small front porch, we see that there is a stone chimney. The fireplace is in the miniscule living room, and Ann doesn't ever remember there being a fire lit in the fireplace. She thinks there must have been a safety issue and as it was a rental, they were never encouraged to use it. It is a two bedroom, one bath house, with a large sunroom, totally surrounded by windows, which served as a third bedroom that Ann shared with her middle sister, Jan. She has memories of sitting in this room and just staring out the windows watching the birds and squirrels in the fenced-in backyard.

She remembers one time her oldest sister started a fire in the kitchen by forgetting she had something cooking on the stove, and all the smoke that poured out of there. It was pretty scary to a 4 year old. They had to repaint the kitchen, and although she didn't remember it, her sister told her that she accidentally did it again right after they had painted, so they had to paint it a second time.

Ann also remembered a time when there was a party for the adults from church at a house fairly close by, and the kids (mostly teen and preteen) were gathered at the little white house, eating snacks and playing board games. Suddenly they heard the dog barking out back, and the trash cans clanking, and a few of the kids said they saw someone in the back yard. The older girls called their parents at the other party, who subsequently called the police. Ann thought this development was so scary, yet oddly exciting too. Some of the teenage boys wanted to go outside and check it out, but were firmly told to stay in the house. When the police came, they checked out the back yard and saw that someone had been in the trash cans, so they concluded it was a homeless man of some kind, who was gone by then. Of course, the parents came to claim all the kids soon after that, but it was all the kids could talk about the rest of the night. Very exciting stuff for small town kids...

If you'll come this way, I'll show you the master bedroom where Ann could hear her parents arguing loudly several times, but was too young to understand what it was about....

Let's Stack Our Habits

 As I've stated recently, Mondays can be difficult, but to me they also represent a fresh start, the beginning of a new week with endless possibilities and lots of lists to make and fulfill. Sunday may be the first day of the week, but that day is reserved for worship, fellowship, and rest. I recharge my battery on Sunday. But, when Sunday is really busy/stressful/active...like yesterday... and I don't get that rest, that CAN make Monday sooooooo hard. And when I don't feel accomplished on a Monday, it really throws off the rest of the week for me (almost like, oh why bother, the week is already off to a bad start...it's ruined! Yes, I CAN be a little dramatic and defeatist). It seems a little silly, I guess, to put that much pressure on one day of the week, but that's just how my brain and energy level work. So, I have to try extra hard on Monday to make it a good day, a productive day, at least a little in some way or other...I can fudge it some and still feel good about it!

Last night, though, I was waaaay tired from lack of sleep on Saturday night and a very busy-busy Sunday, that I slept great, with hardly any trips to the bathroom or vivid dreams to disturb me.  I actually woke up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the week. So here I am, brimming with plans and ideas. I haven't made any lists yet, so don't hold me to that. Who knows what kind of tangent I might go off on...and STILL feel good about a day/week!!

But let's talk habit-stacking (see, I came right back to it, aren't I good?). In this book Atomic Habits, by James Clear, (that I'm still ruminating on and trying to absorb a little at a time, for the second time I might add, that's how much I think it will work if I really try...it has before), he talks about adding a new habit on to one or more good habits that you already do (it's not a real habit unless you do it without thinking about it...it's automatic). This is habit-stacking, and it makes it easier to start a habit when you stack it on others that are automatic.

Okay, I need to go on a small tangent here. I THOUGHT brushing my teeth daily was a habit, but when I retired and threw my work schedule and morning routine out the window...defiantly, I might add...some of my good habits went by the wayside, like washing my hair on Wednesday and Sunday like clockwork and brushing my teeth without fail...every...single...day. Yeah, yeah, here you're probably thinking, "Eeeew, gross, you actually skip brushing your teeth?" Yes. Yes, I have been doing that some days. Not a great one to toss, as my hygienist gently pointed out at my last cleaning. The point is, that habit was stacked neatly in a very strict daily routine to go to work, and when the routine went so did my strict habits. I've been retired for two years now, and the last 6 months have been particularly iffy in the good habits department. Let's just say I had a physical trauma that I tried to ignore and pretend didn't happen, but I'm slowly coming to grips with my age, my physical condition, and my need for getting back to a healthy routine and good habits...for myself and my physical/spiritual/mental health. I want to feel good! Tangent over.

Needless to say, I'm adding daily hygiene habits back into my morning habit-stacking. Here is the stack that I'm working on right now...the ONLY stack I'm concentrating on for a few weeks.

Get up (around 7-7:30... NO alarm except when I have an appointment to keep)

Morning poop, henceforth called my "morning constitutional" (I have very little control over this...it happens when it happens. Sometimes I can put it off for up to an hour, so I might empty the dishwasher while I wake up. Usually, it happens right away)

During the morning constitutional, I read the Bible, say a memory verse or two from an app list on my phone, then play a brain game to get the old cells working (and test to make sure they ARE working)

These are very ingrained habits. The next part is the habits I'm stacking onto this...

Shower (most days quickie, wash hair on Wed/Sat)

Dress in workout clothes, stay barefoot to do Pilates

Put hair up and brush teeth

Turn on YMCA app on the TV right away and do a Pilates video (I may do something else later also, like lifting weights or pickleball, but THIS is the habit I will develop now). I'm starting this week with just turning on the video. Next week I'll do 5 minutes and add from there

From now on, I'm NOT allowed to have my coffee until that stack is complete.

So far, so good! I feel like today is already off to a good start!

WHAT I LIKE...ABOUT ME

It is amazing how quickly the week can fly by! It's already Friday and I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. If I think real hard, I'm sure I can come up with something or other. Eh, too much effort. Let's get to it!

What do you like about yourself? Now don't just shrug or wave it off like it doesn't matter. It does matter, especially with women. We have a tendency to be so hard on ourselves...I don't know, I take that back. Maybe the current generation is so well-balanced that you can appreciate your good qualities and still work to improve in other areas. I can't even fathom that. My generation has a strong tendency to be very self-critical...but maybe that's not right either. Maybe it's JUST ME.

My inner voice is constantly criticizing me. Of course, it IS my mother's voice. I've never been able to expunge the critic I've been hearing since I was a small child. I won't go down that rabbit hole again today. Like my sister's therapist said one time, "Rehashing all those bad memories and feelings over and over is like chewing on your own boogers...don't chew on boogers." That statement made a HUGE impact on me, so whenever I go back to my less-than-happy childhood in my mind and start blaming my mother for everything wrong in my head, I remind myself, "Don't go chewing on those boogers again." Yeah, it's icky and graphic but it works for me!

So the last ten days I made a list. Once a day for ten days, I listed something I like about myself. Ten things no problem, right? Huh-yeah (snort), right. Yes, the first half wasn't too hard, but the last few days I had a tendency to repeat myself or expand on something I had already listed. It was a struggle, let me tell you. And I think I should keep going for another ten days, just to make myself think about good stuff and like myself for a while. 

Here's the list: (I didn't try to prioritize except for the first one, which is most important to me)

1) I love and trust my God and nothing/nobody will shake or change that (and believe me, Satan has tested that several times in my life)

2) I never completely give up on things that are important to me. I'll start over...over and over. (I was thinking here mostly about things I want to accomplish for myself, like being healthy or losing weight or growing closer to loved ones or God or using my talents)

3) I like that I'm left-handed. It's not a big important attribute, but I've always liked being just a little different in that way, even when it causes a slight problem or difficulty...I still like it! (I was also very happy that one of my children turned out left-handed too...silly, but I love it!)

4) Even though modern thought is that people are not right- or left-brained, but that the two halves of the brain are integrated...and I believe that, to a certain extent. But I feel my right-brain is stronger and I appreciate that, having a more artistic brain. But I know my verbal side is strong too, so they work well together. Go me!

5) I like the physical body that the Lord gave me (the part I'm not happy about we won't get into right now...I have several thoughts about that). Specifically, I like my height (which is just right for my spouse), my hair (still thick and pretty at my age), my nails (hard and shapely), my hands and feet (especially with a nice pedicure!), my blue eyes, my smile (which perfect strangers have occasionally told me is beautiful, lol). Thank you, Lord, I really like the way you made me physically.

6) I like being from the South, born in Arkansas and raised in Texas. Another thing that I didn't have any control over, but I'm still happy about it.

7) I'm happy that I come from a musical family and have a natural love of and ability in music. It has been a huge part of my life.

8) I like that I'm a writer and an artist, and sometimes crafter. I feel very fulfilled when I actually complete a project. (see, expanded from #4)

9) I like that I have somewhat of a natural sports ability. I enjoy sporting activities (some), and I can improve and be competitive with practice. That goes well with my naturally competitive nature (bonus thing I like...my competitive nature...usually)

10) I like that, with the Lord's help, I'm able to persevere through difficult things (like my vocal problem or seizures or my worsening knee), and work on myself and still be happy a lot of the time. What a blessing.

So, there you go. There ARE things I like about me, and on days when I'm being particularly hard on myself about something or other that I'm not accomplishing, maybe I can learn to pull this list up in my head and feel better! Then there's always dancing around the living room. That helps too! Take it easy, babe...you got this.