Hey, guess what? I haven't changed. Not even a little bit. Oh, I have a few new bits of news in my life (like being retired, in so-so health, and discovering the joy of pickleball), and there have been lots of changes around me. But me, as a person, haven't changed at all. I'm still the same whiner I was 6.5 years ago. I'm still anxious and dissatisfied about the same things I was back then. I know that because I went back and read quite a few of my old posts, and BOY, do I sound like a broken record. I'll bet my husband and kids get really sick of my moaning and groaning about myself. "So stop griping already and DO something," I'm sure they're thinking to themselves.
And you know what? That's okay. It's okay that I'm the same person I've always been, with the same strengths and weaknesses. I'm okay with that. I realize I can't change my basic personality and nature. And that's okay too. I like me just fine, thank you very much. No, I'm never satisfied with my habits or my lack of ambition. I'm a perfectionist, I'll own that. But looking back, there's one thing that I can't complain about, that I can actually be proud of. I never give up. I never let my inadequacies get me down altogether. I keep on trying. I keep on looking for ways to improve myself and my habits. I keep setting goals and trying to reach them (and hey! sometimes I actually succeed!).
I have a good life, and I'm so grateful for it. I'm a child of God, who loves me and saved me from my sins (and loves me in spite of my imperfections and complaining about them). He created me, and He did a great job. It's up to me to make something of it. I have a sweet and loving husband that I still love and LIKE. Someone who cares for me and fusses over me when I need it and lets me fuss over him when he needs it. I have children and grandchildren that I love dearly and who love me back. I have a church family that cares for me and lets me be myself but always encourages me forward. I have friends and loved ones all across the nation. I have a home and a car and plenty of "stuff" to feel comfortable and satisfied materially.
I have talents and abilities that I want to develop further, and PRAISE THE LORD, my mind still works just fine. And that's what I want to explore. Ways to improve my habits and productivity (and health). No whining, no complaining, no hating myself and my shortcomings. Just journalling the journey. Let's see where it goes.
