IT'S TIME FOR A REALITY CHECK

I was talking with my daughter this morning (messaging --- we live all the way across the country from each other), and through that discussion, and a timely chat with my doctor coincidentally, I had a minor epiphany. I'll add here that I have had a couple of MAJOR epiphanies in the past ten years, but this one ranks up there pretty high, as far as minor ones go. Almost a major one, but not quite. Anyhooo....

It gradually hit me like a ton of bricks that I'm really not as young as I used to be. "Do tell?" you're probably thinking. "What are you, an idiot? You're pushing 60." Yes, I know I'm getting there. My aches and pains and minor maladies remind me on a daily basis. It's hard to put into words how I've been rationalizing my less-than-healthy lifestyle and habits. It's like my subconscious has stubbornly refused to believe that my body, muscle mass, metabolism, etc. is any different than it was 20 years ago, when menopause was still distant on the horizon and my inner workings were in top-notch condition, chugging away nicely. And it's not like I didn't see it coming. I remember writing in my journal (an on-again-off-again undertaking), while I was in my 40's, that if I didn't get the extra weight off before menopause, it was going to be twice as hard after.

Well, here I am folks. Post-menopausal, "cancer survivor" ---- so far, thank the Lord. It takes 5 years before they'll say you're really cancer-free, and it's been less than a year for me ---- and obese (with high cholesterol and borderline blood pressure). Yes, I can say that. 50 pounds or more and you are declared obese, it said so right on my cancer diagnosis. I got a good look at myself in a full length mirror today at the doctor's office, and it's been quite a while....QUITE a while. I look like Porky Pig. I'm not being unreasonably harsh with myself, I'm being honest. I am fat (remind me to share a brief encounter with a woman at work who was insistent that I am not fat .... that is really not helpful, lady).

Okay, I own it. Up front and in my face with it. Forget all the stuff I've been spouting about eating healthy and being motivated to exercise and wanting to get healthy. It's time to get real. To actually SEE the problem, accept it, and do something about it. It's time to get busy. I can do that.

Days Seventy-four through One hundred twenty-nine - September 12 - November 6, 2014

Nope. Just not a very good blogger. Don't want to talk about myself every day....or even a couple of times per week. But I do like to keep track of what's going on, what my plans are, occasionally how I'm doing, that sort of thing. And I do have some ideas and plans for the coming year that I want to share and feel accountable for. I don't want to disappoint my three followers! ;)

Well, I have been trying to eat healthy for over 100 days now, with mixed success. It's really hard for me to be consistent in keeping track of what I eat (like a food journal.......or blog......yeah). But I have been consistently weighing myself every day, no matter how bad the number looks to me. I have been doing an "elimination" diet with my youngest son the last 5 + weeks. Although I have done this particular diet two other times and am fairly certain which foods I mostly need to steer clear of (soy, corn, wheat, eggs....the reactions are not severe, but I feel better when I only eat them occasionally instead of daily or even weekly), my youngest son has been suffering from daily headaches, so I convinced him to try the diet to see if they are caused by some food or combination of foods. Hence my third (and hopefully last) time to do an elimination diet. The whole thing has been a real struggle for me, and I have been weakening greatly the last week. I can barely keep eating the same boring stuff for the next week, and I have cheated (I admit it) two or three times in the last 5 1/2 weeks.

The good news is, while on the diet, my son's headaches have been greatly reduced (but not completely eliminated), and I have lost 6 pounds. Although I am happy about that and it feels good to eat healthy, I am dissatisfied with the food, and I am worried (I admit it) about being able to stick to healthy eating when it's over. I am frequently tired from lack of sleep, and too weighed down with work and household responsibilities to be consistent in exercise. I am honestly stumped about how to overcome my obstacles and challenges. I'm not giving up however. I keep searching for the right combination of scheduling and goals to make everything work together and fit in all the things I want to do in a week.

I will write more about my plans in another post, but for now I will try very hard to be positive and celebrate the small victory of healthy eating for a month and 6 pounds lost.....and hopefully helping my son gain a better lifestyle of eating. Yay me.

Days Forty-seven through Seventy-three - August 16-September 11, 2014

Yes, I'm still here. I haven't given up. But I'm scattered in a bunch of directions...I'm distracted....I'm stressed. No excuse, I know, but I have trouble staying focused on anything right now. I go to work, I come home and do some more work (or take a much-needed nap, then do some more work), I go to bed juuuuust a little too late and get barely 6 hours sleep, then I stumble out of bed at 3:30 (it should be 3:00) and start all over. I feel like I have no time for focus, no time for reflection, for rumination. I need time for rumination. But with a houseful of people, three of whom are rambunctious and noisy (and demanding) preschoolers, there is no time for myself. I don't mull things over and get myself together, I don't exercise except the little bit I get riding my bike to and from work, and the standing I do much of the work day. I need a plan. I need a plan I can stick to. Where do I get that? I'm not giving up, but I'm stumped at the moment how to make things work for myself.

Days Thirty-three through Forty-five - August 2-14, 2015

Yeah, I blew it. I have been a baaaaaaaad blogger. I admit it. In my defense, I worked really hard for a week training a new person to sub for me in the cash office at work (which was exhausting mentally), planning a four-year-old's birthday, and going camping for four days. Except for the out-of-town part, there's no excuse for not keeping up with my goals and telling about it for accountability. But I'm still weighing about the same, so that's something to be happy enough about. I continue to stay under 200 pounds (barely), and I am starting up the blogging again today (after this one), and I am going to go gluten-free for a while in support of my DIL, who thinks she may have an intolerance after seeing some of the symptoms (of which she has several). I already don't eat that much gluten, and I don't have a huge wheat craving or anything, so we will just serve it to the family and find subs for ourselves for at least 2 weeks and see how it goes. Who knows, I may find myself loving gluten-free!

Day Twenty-eight - July 28, 2014

On the wagon... ;) ...I mean, trying to eat healthy for four weeks now. Getting better, getting stronger, getting more determined, having less cravings, feeling less deprived, MUCH less sorry for myself...no "loserish" feelings now...I can do this, I can be healthy, and I can enjoy it and not feel like I'm being punished. I am cherishing my body, my gift from God, the "temple" that has served me so well for 55 years. I am grateful for the body that God gave me, and I want to show that gratitude by taking care of it, and helping it last until He calls me home. If I think about it, it's the only gift I've had since birth, the temple that houses my precious soul /spirit, which was the best birthday present I could ask for! Go me! Weight today: 197.6...yay!

iced coffee - normal
butter and honey sandwich on whole wheat
1 1/2 c leftover fried rice
1 1/2 c leftover broccoli beef
leftover sweet n sour chicken
brown rice

this turned out to be a big mistake....too much soy in two days. Legs achy and slept bad. no more leftovers for a couple of days!

Water: 32 oz
Exercise: Richard Simmons and Sweatin' to the Oldies 2.....silly, but it makes you sweat!

Day Twenty-one - July 21, 2014

Three weeks today. Yes, I have made it for three weeks, even if my commitment hasn't been as serious as it needs to be, to see serious progress. My attention has been divided between eating healthy, exercising, trying to be more scheduled in my housework, daily Bible reading, my new position at work....and on it goes. I feel like I'm trying to create too many NEW habits all at once, but this is how I want to do it. Work on everything all together. So nothing is going too great....but nothing is going too awful either, and I am developing some great new habits, a little at a time. I'm not feeling discouraged and I'm not giving up. I do feel overwhelmed at times, and I know I put too much pressure on myself to be "perfect" and I get down when I can't accomplish that. I'm working on that attitude also. Never fear, I'm still here. Weight: 199.6

iced coffee
new cereal I made up....1/2 c raw oatmeal, 1/2 c Walmart brand "grapenuts" (all healthy ingredients), healthy squirt of Agave (approx. 1/8 c), 1tsp cinnamon, 3/4 c coconut milk, sm handful pecans (sometimes will use raw almonds or walnuts)....it's yummy! I have FOUND a morning food I can eat and like!
southwest salad from Walmart
handful of SF chocolate covered peanuts (I was craving something sweet at work, and this is what I came up with -- I know artificial sweetener is bad for me, but it doesn't spark that continued sugar craving, like the real stuff does...not to mention a lot less calories)
2 servings chips
stirfry chicken and veggies w/ 1 c white rice (sauce is teriyaki sauce from Costco with peanut butter added)

Water: 40 oz
Exercise: Daily Burn - True Beginner - Stability and Mobility 2 (25 min), ride bike to/from work, 10 min, walk around and stand at work

Two Weeks Down

This second week has gone by a lot quicker than the first one, and I'm feeling better and more confident than I was last week at this time. I still have a ways to go on my "perfecting" of the healthy eating....still a little too much cheating going on. I expect there to be cheats occasionally, and I have no problem with getting a "cheat treat" once a week or so, but I want to feel like I'm mostly sticking to my decision to be healthy, and I don't feel quite there yet. It's okay, I'm a work in progress. I am working on a system to earn my "social and gaming" computer time like my daughter's, incorporating the three primary areas I'm working on besides food (exercise, Bible reading, chores), to incorporate a positive way to encourage me to follow through on my short-term daily goals. I'll post it when I have it worked out (DIL is helping me decide how to do it). The main thing I want to work on during this third week is making time to exercise regularly. I know what I want to do, I just have to summon up the energy to do it. I'm starting a new position at work, so my schedule will be very consistent...that will help a lot. I'll check in again next week! Yay me! Feeling good about my goals, will feel better once I'm being active consistently. I started at 199 lbs (this time), and today I weigh 198.6, but my lowest this past week was yesterday at 196.6, so I'm happy enough with that.