Monday, November 14, 2016
Whew! I did it!
Okay, peeps. I have completely updated my pages....goals, reasons for goals, ways to reach said goals. Take a look. And before you comment, I know there are a bunch of goals, lofty goals, practically unreachable goals. Hey, that's how I roll. I love to start a new year fresh and have plenty of things to work on. Looking back on 2015 when I last made such HUGE goals, I realize that I actually fulfilled some of them and came close with others. That makes me feel good. These new goals (some of which are really old goals that I still think I can fulfill, that I still WANT to fulfill) are completely reachable. It's not like I want to become a famous anything or blast off to another planet or create world peace. I want to work toward a closer relationship with God, finish my creative projects, lose 50 pounds. Not to much to ask. Totally reachable with patience, perseverance, focus, and self control. And I'm actually starting before the new year gets here to get a jump start on developing the good habits to achieve my goals. Stay with me. Help me. I know I can count on you to (at the very least) love me and pray for me. That's what I need. That's all I need. Thanks for your support!
Sunday, November 13, 2016
What do I want from myself? What do I NEED?
I've been over and over this in my head for years. Don't misunderstand me. I have a strong faith that says my #1 priority in life is to love God and love my neighbor as myself. I want more than anything to spend eternity with my Creator when I die. Nothing trumps that, nothing is before that.
That being said, I also believe there are many many ways to show God that I love Him, to bring glory to His name, to love my neighbors. I try my best to study God's word and follow all that He commands me, to the best of my ability and "at my current level of understanding" ( :-) ). I try to serve Him by serving my family and friends/strangers with love and generosity. But I desperately NEED to do something creative to serve Him also. I have a creative urge that just won't be silent, won't leave me alone, won't let me be joyful without fulfilling that part of my spirit.
My schedule is very tight. I have much to do on a daily basis. I'm getting older and my energy level is not what it used to be, especially since I had surgery 5 months ago. FINDING time to do that which calls to me is so difficult. Here's how I see my current schedule (and I know it won't be this way forever, but I no longer am willing to wait until I have "more time" to pursue creativity):
24 HOURS IN A DAY -- (?) means I'm either not currently doing this but want to, or not doing it that much)
-7 hours sleeping (wish it could be 8)
17 hours left
-10 hours prepping for work, working
7 hours left
- .5 hours moving my body (?)
6.5 hours left
- 1 hour in Bible study and prayer (?)
5.5 hours left
-1.5 hours cooking dinner and eating it (varies a little)
4.5 hours left
-1.5 hours cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry, doing one daily chore (varies a little)
2.5 hours left
- 1 hour spent with family members (this is intangible of course, playing a game, watching TV with spouse talking with son, helping grandson with homework, etc - it's a conservative estimate that is hard to guess at and depends on the day and the activity)
1.5 hours left for creativity, more or less
Of course, this is all estimating. The only absolute is sleeping at least 6 hours a night and the 10 hours that I definitely spend on work stuff 5 days a week. I'm counting the above hours for work days. My days off are much looser, but I try to at least do the basics of keeping the house running on those days.
This last one and a half hours is usually spent plopped in front of the TV or playing something on my phone or tablet. I have this tiny little window of opportunity to use for myself, to use in a creative way, and I squander it, mostly. I don't consider myself a lazy person, but I am definitely a time waster after a long day of doing all the "supposed to's". I realize that I CANNOT be self-controlled and productive every waking moment of my life, that I have to be able to "waste" a small amount of time to decompress or unwind or I would expire from stress. My whole being completely rebels at that kind of structure. And that may be one of the reasons I've been depressed and apathetic. There are so many moments in my life that are required that I just don't want to do any more. So what do I do? How can I find that happy medium? That is exactly what I'm working on.......more to come.
That being said, I also believe there are many many ways to show God that I love Him, to bring glory to His name, to love my neighbors. I try my best to study God's word and follow all that He commands me, to the best of my ability and "at my current level of understanding" ( :-) ). I try to serve Him by serving my family and friends/strangers with love and generosity. But I desperately NEED to do something creative to serve Him also. I have a creative urge that just won't be silent, won't leave me alone, won't let me be joyful without fulfilling that part of my spirit.
My schedule is very tight. I have much to do on a daily basis. I'm getting older and my energy level is not what it used to be, especially since I had surgery 5 months ago. FINDING time to do that which calls to me is so difficult. Here's how I see my current schedule (and I know it won't be this way forever, but I no longer am willing to wait until I have "more time" to pursue creativity):
24 HOURS IN A DAY -- (?) means I'm either not currently doing this but want to, or not doing it that much)
-7 hours sleeping (wish it could be 8)
17 hours left
-10 hours prepping for work, working
7 hours left
- .5 hours moving my body (?)
6.5 hours left
- 1 hour in Bible study and prayer (?)
5.5 hours left
-1.5 hours cooking dinner and eating it (varies a little)
4.5 hours left
-1.5 hours cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry, doing one daily chore (varies a little)
2.5 hours left
- 1 hour spent with family members (this is intangible of course, playing a game, watching TV with spouse talking with son, helping grandson with homework, etc - it's a conservative estimate that is hard to guess at and depends on the day and the activity)
1.5 hours left for creativity, more or less
Of course, this is all estimating. The only absolute is sleeping at least 6 hours a night and the 10 hours that I definitely spend on work stuff 5 days a week. I'm counting the above hours for work days. My days off are much looser, but I try to at least do the basics of keeping the house running on those days.
This last one and a half hours is usually spent plopped in front of the TV or playing something on my phone or tablet. I have this tiny little window of opportunity to use for myself, to use in a creative way, and I squander it, mostly. I don't consider myself a lazy person, but I am definitely a time waster after a long day of doing all the "supposed to's". I realize that I CANNOT be self-controlled and productive every waking moment of my life, that I have to be able to "waste" a small amount of time to decompress or unwind or I would expire from stress. My whole being completely rebels at that kind of structure. And that may be one of the reasons I've been depressed and apathetic. There are so many moments in my life that are required that I just don't want to do any more. So what do I do? How can I find that happy medium? That is exactly what I'm working on.......more to come.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Hey, Guess What?
I see by my dates that I haven't posted on this blog in almost 2 years. WOW. 2 years have just flown by, and 2016 might as well not even happened (in some ways, I would have preferred to just skip it, but we'll get into that later). But you know what? I love my little blog spot and I am back and ready to tackle myself again. I was re-reading some posts in 2015, and I really like what I had to say! I want (desperately) to hold myself accountable, especially creatively, so I'm going to try this again. We'll see where it takes me....I'm ruminating on some ideas for 2017 resolutions and goals and I'll come back to that too, soon. Suffice it to say that here I am, and I'll be letting everyone on FB know when I post stuff. So you three followers, if you're still out there, keep in touch, 'kay?
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
First Unfinished Business.....Now Finished
Yes! I am on my way, folks. I finished my first project that had been looming for months. And it turned out.....okay. I didn't like it (a watercolor), but since I painted for someone else, and since I am a "person of action" and therefore courageous, I gave it to the person anyway (she liked it just fine---whew). Anyway, it felt great to complete something, good enough to keep it up for another project. Now all these other projects start clambering for my attention and there are so many, it's hard to choose.....hmmm. I know, I know, just pick one. I think I shall. Go me! Here's the proof of my finished product (it looks better in a photo, by the way, than in real life).
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
I....AM....UNFINISHED
Yeah, I know, we all are. We never "arrive" completely, do we? How utterly boring life would be if there were no more challenges, no more good things to strive for? But occasionally it would be really nice if I could say to myself, "Okay! I totally nailed that one! Now I don't have to struggle with THAT any more...on to the next challenge!" But, hey, that NEVER happens. I can't think of one thing I have completely and forever conquered that I can ignore and never think of, ever again. Punctuality? Nope, not that one. Oh yeah, I have improved over the years, but I continually struggle to be on time almost daily. Organization? Weeelllll, again, better than I used to be, but my head....my life....my home....continue to verge on utter chaos (and the chaos drives me INSANE, but it still creeps in constantly). Just not my strong suit. Sticking to a schedule. Sigh. I fear that one is a lost cause, but I never completely give up. Somehow, I keep hoping that one day I will awaken and be a robot or something and able to leap whole lists in a single check mark! (Okay, mixed metaphors....so shoot me.) My weight? Puh-lease....don't EVEN get me started....
You get the idea. I really do have a whole laundry list of traits I would love to develop or acquire, and bad habits I would appreciate being rid of. I accept myself the way I am much better than I used to. Years ago, I honestly just wanted to become a completely different person (my sister).....and had endless frustration because it was never going to happen, no matter how badly I wanted it. But still....I have an artist's spirit and brain, with an accountant's love of orderliness. It's just that the artist is very dominant and seems to live for chaos and mess (or doesn't care ENOUGH about my other half to accommodate it). I still make lists, and I can accomplish the items on that list if I REALLY focus on it (like a big party or other occasion coming up, where I absolutely MUST get everything done on time)...but the down side to that is, that much effort and focus makes me very cranky and impatient (just ask my family). I still make schedules, even though deep in my heart I know that the effort is practically useless and I will never stick to a schedule for more than a few days at the most. It's like......my very BEING rebels at the thought of being restricted like that. It's hard to explain.
But the new year is my very favorite time. It's like a clean slate, just waiting to be filled with lovely things, and I have (Lord willing) a WHOLE YEAR to accomplish ideas and goals. Yes, I admit that I'm not always good at actually DOING the things I plan, but the planning is exciting and fulfilling, and MOST years I can check off several of the goals by the end of the year. And there have been a few wonderful years, where I accomplished quite a lot. Those years I feel so GREAT at the end of the twelve months....and that feeling is what keeps me trying, keeps me planning and scheming and trying new things. And this year is no exception. I have high hopes for 2019. My year of "Health and Home".
You get the idea. I really do have a whole laundry list of traits I would love to develop or acquire, and bad habits I would appreciate being rid of. I accept myself the way I am much better than I used to. Years ago, I honestly just wanted to become a completely different person (my sister).....and had endless frustration because it was never going to happen, no matter how badly I wanted it. But still....I have an artist's spirit and brain, with an accountant's love of orderliness. It's just that the artist is very dominant and seems to live for chaos and mess (or doesn't care ENOUGH about my other half to accommodate it). I still make lists, and I can accomplish the items on that list if I REALLY focus on it (like a big party or other occasion coming up, where I absolutely MUST get everything done on time)...but the down side to that is, that much effort and focus makes me very cranky and impatient (just ask my family). I still make schedules, even though deep in my heart I know that the effort is practically useless and I will never stick to a schedule for more than a few days at the most. It's like......my very BEING rebels at the thought of being restricted like that. It's hard to explain.
But the new year is my very favorite time. It's like a clean slate, just waiting to be filled with lovely things, and I have (Lord willing) a WHOLE YEAR to accomplish ideas and goals. Yes, I admit that I'm not always good at actually DOING the things I plan, but the planning is exciting and fulfilling, and MOST years I can check off several of the goals by the end of the year. And there have been a few wonderful years, where I accomplished quite a lot. Those years I feel so GREAT at the end of the twelve months....and that feeling is what keeps me trying, keeps me planning and scheming and trying new things. And this year is no exception. I have high hopes for 2019. My year of "Health and Home".
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
2015: My Year of Unfinished Business
Here I am again, you just never know when I'm going to pop up....or return.... I have begun a new year with new goals, admittedly ambitious goals, for every area of my life (which I love to do). Eating or not eating, exercising or not exercising, obsessing about my body and how disappointed I get in myself....all that stuff is not all there is to life or to me. I may be a post-menopausal fat woman, but that's not ALL I am. Not even close. Sometimes my focus becomes so narrow on one thing that I can't "see the forest for the trees". I'm not a very good multi-tasker, or even a very good stick-to-anything-er. But when I get started on that old broken record putting myself down for my shortcomings (and we all have those, right?), I am working on reminding myself of the things that I do well, and the things I have stuck with for a long time, like my 32-year marriage and my discipleship of Jesus, my devotion to the Father, my study of His Word.
Just how do I plan to accomplish these goals, you ask? Thanks, I'm glad you brought that up. I plan to do several things to keep myself focused on my goals and stay on track this year. I'm going to read my goals on a daily basis, I'm going to keep reading and applying the "decisions for success" from the book, The Travelers Gift, by Andy Andrews...which is a really good book by the way, one which I highly recommend if you're wanting something concrete to work on in your life (I am using Bible passages to back up the principles and read those daily also). I am reading my specific goals several times a week to remind me what I am working toward, and I am going to be here, talking to you about my goals and dreams and update how I'm doing on my quest to finish all this unfinished business in my life.....and there is LOTS of unfinished business in my life. I will elucidate further another day. For now, just know that I'm back, I'm starting to blog again, if you're interested, and I plan to be here consistently at least for 2015. Talk to me.
Just how do I plan to accomplish these goals, you ask? Thanks, I'm glad you brought that up. I plan to do several things to keep myself focused on my goals and stay on track this year. I'm going to read my goals on a daily basis, I'm going to keep reading and applying the "decisions for success" from the book, The Travelers Gift, by Andy Andrews...which is a really good book by the way, one which I highly recommend if you're wanting something concrete to work on in your life (I am using Bible passages to back up the principles and read those daily also). I am reading my specific goals several times a week to remind me what I am working toward, and I am going to be here, talking to you about my goals and dreams and update how I'm doing on my quest to finish all this unfinished business in my life.....and there is LOTS of unfinished business in my life. I will elucidate further another day. For now, just know that I'm back, I'm starting to blog again, if you're interested, and I plan to be here consistently at least for 2015. Talk to me.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Days Seventy-four through One hundred twenty-nine - September 12 - November 6, 2014
Nope. Just not a very good blogger. Don't want to talk about myself every day....or even a couple of times per week. But I do like to keep track of what's going on, what my plans are, occasionally how I'm doing, that sort of thing. And I do have some ideas and plans for the coming year that I want to share and feel accountable for. I don't want to disappoint my three followers! ;)
Well, I have been trying to eat healthy for over 100 days now, with mixed success. It's really hard for me to be consistent in keeping track of what I eat (like a food journal.......or blog......yeah). But I have been consistently weighing myself every day, no matter how bad the number looks to me. I have been doing an "elimination" diet with my youngest son the last 5 + weeks. Although I have done this particular diet two other times and am fairly certain which foods I mostly need to steer clear of (soy, corn, wheat, eggs....the reactions are not severe, but I feel better when I only eat them occasionally instead of daily or even weekly), my youngest son has been suffering from daily headaches, so I convinced him to try the diet to see if they are caused by some food or combination of foods. Hence my third (and hopefully last) time to do an elimination diet. The whole thing has been a real struggle for me, and I have been weakening greatly the last week. I can barely keep eating the same boring stuff for the next week, and I have cheated (I admit it) two or three times in the last 5 1/2 weeks.
The good news is, while on the diet, my son's headaches have been greatly reduced (but not completely eliminated), and I have lost 6 pounds. Although I am happy about that and it feels good to eat healthy, I am dissatisfied with the food, and I am worried (I admit it) about being able to stick to healthy eating when it's over. I am frequently tired from lack of sleep, and too weighed down with work and household responsibilities to be consistent in exercise. I am honestly stumped about how to overcome my obstacles and challenges. I'm not giving up however. I keep searching for the right combination of scheduling and goals to make everything work together and fit in all the things I want to do in a week.
I will write more about my plans in another post, but for now I will try very hard to be positive and celebrate the small victory of healthy eating for a month and 6 pounds lost.....and hopefully helping my son gain a better lifestyle of eating. Yay me.
Well, I have been trying to eat healthy for over 100 days now, with mixed success. It's really hard for me to be consistent in keeping track of what I eat (like a food journal.......or blog......yeah). But I have been consistently weighing myself every day, no matter how bad the number looks to me. I have been doing an "elimination" diet with my youngest son the last 5 + weeks. Although I have done this particular diet two other times and am fairly certain which foods I mostly need to steer clear of (soy, corn, wheat, eggs....the reactions are not severe, but I feel better when I only eat them occasionally instead of daily or even weekly), my youngest son has been suffering from daily headaches, so I convinced him to try the diet to see if they are caused by some food or combination of foods. Hence my third (and hopefully last) time to do an elimination diet. The whole thing has been a real struggle for me, and I have been weakening greatly the last week. I can barely keep eating the same boring stuff for the next week, and I have cheated (I admit it) two or three times in the last 5 1/2 weeks.
The good news is, while on the diet, my son's headaches have been greatly reduced (but not completely eliminated), and I have lost 6 pounds. Although I am happy about that and it feels good to eat healthy, I am dissatisfied with the food, and I am worried (I admit it) about being able to stick to healthy eating when it's over. I am frequently tired from lack of sleep, and too weighed down with work and household responsibilities to be consistent in exercise. I am honestly stumped about how to overcome my obstacles and challenges. I'm not giving up however. I keep searching for the right combination of scheduling and goals to make everything work together and fit in all the things I want to do in a week.
I will write more about my plans in another post, but for now I will try very hard to be positive and celebrate the small victory of healthy eating for a month and 6 pounds lost.....and hopefully helping my son gain a better lifestyle of eating. Yay me.
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