I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere. I have many things going on in my life, and have a great deal of stress which I don't handle that well. But I want this, I want to be healthy, I want to get thinner and fit. I want to prevent a major illness....had a minor gall bladder flare-up a couple of nights ago. Scared me plenty, since I haven't had one of those in almost 20 years. After watching my son and my daughter both go through agonizing pain and gall bladder surgery, I sooooooo don't want to deal with that. I don't qualify for health insurance coverage for six more months, ugh. I have so many things I need to get looked at when I can get some, I don't want that TOO. Praying, praying, praying. But I know I need to do my part to help keep my body functioning at a healthy level. It's so hard.....my hedonistic side that loves food that's bad for me constantly battles my common sense self-loving side that wants to be healthy, wants to shun "evil" foods and embrace the good-for-me ones. Change is never easy, but changing my eating habits seems to be getting harder instead of easier as I get older.
I need prayers. Sometimes I feel so out of control with my life. I always feel that if I just get everything in order in my physical environment, then I'll get more done and feel happier....is this a vain hope? I never seem to get organized to my satisfaction. Sigh.... Yes, I definitely have "control issues". Just by this post, you can see my mind is in chaos right now. It happens during the holiday season, almost inevitably. But I won't give in. I won't give up. I'll just make more lists.
