WHY DO THIS TO MYSELF?

The question is NOT "Why do this TO myself," but "Why do this FOR myself?" Why keep struggling to get fit, to lose weight, to look better? WHY???? I have literally been thinking, fretting, planning, plotting, starting, stopping......dieting....since I was about 16 years old. NOT to rehash my childhood, but the majority of my lack of acceptance of myself and my body goes back the fact that my mother was never satisfied with the way I looked (or anything else about me, really). It set me firmly on a path of discontent and dissatisfaction with myself in all sorts of ways, but especially with my body image.

I have made my mind up so many times to change the way I eat and exercise, and I have been somewhat successful several times. I am 5'5" with a medium build, and my best weight could be anywhere between 135 and 155, I would say. At my skinniest in college, I weighed 115, and at my heaviest I weighed 215 (recently). Right now I weigh 200, and for my health and happiness with myself I need to lose 50 pounds.

But I don't want to keep climbing partway up the mountain just to slide back down again, over and over. It's depressing, it creates a defeatist attitude within me, it causes me to feel rotten about myself, to feel like an utter failure. I'm tired of failing. I want to succeed. I want to climb all the way to the top of that mountain and see the beautiful view from up there, then choose another peak to conquer, a different challenge.

I want to be done with this challenge once and for all, and be victorious over my own body and will. I can do it, I know I can. I just have to believe it, I just have to do it. It's time.....it's past time. The following thoughts, and pages, are some of my ideas and thoughts, but I borrowed quite a bit from my sweet and SMART (and more contemplative than me) daughter. The following is a list of reasons to get healthier:

#1 - BRING GLORY TO GOD

show gratitude in a tangible way for this wonderful gift of a human body
more mobility

more confidence

more stable moods

more energy

better sleep

clarity of thoughts

peace of mind

happiness with myself

feeling of accomplishment

reach a long-time goal of weight loss

possible longer life of service (lower possibility of heart attack or stroke)

one less thing to clutter my thoughts

generally feel better

set a good example

family proud of me

more attractive for Frank (and me)

smaller size clothes

better clothing selection

Symptoms I hope to alleviate or completely heal -

Sleep apnea (and general sleeplessness)

Achy legs

Stiff joints, especially hips and knees

Foot problems

Colon/bowel inconsistencies

Low libido

Low energy

Memory problems

Cloudy thinking

Depression

General crankiness

Creative blocks

Varicose veins