Talk to Me --- What's Your Favorite Song?

What is your favorite song? You know the one....it speaks to you, touches your soul, makes your spirit soar. Whether spiritual or secular (I have several of each), soft or blaring loud, fast or slow, most of us have a song that, every time we hear the beginning notes, we think, "Ahhhhh, yes! Now it's going to be a great day, because I heard THIS song." Here's one of my all-time favorites:

DUST IN THE WIND
by Kansas

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind

Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Oh - oh - oh

Now, don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind
The wind

On the surface, this song seems pessimistic, perhaps even fatalistic. But it speaks to me....deep. Some of the thoughts are even scriptural, I think. Our lives are "but a vapor," after all. I guess it says to me that "all is vanity" and don't put your trust in your money, because nothing you can buy has any lasting value, and nothing we do on this earth is going to stand the test of time. Everything comes to an end....even if it lasts a while after you're gone (like books, songs, paintings, films...). Oh, I could say a lot more on this subject, but you get my drift. And although it's a pensive, or melancholy-type song, it makes me feel great every time I hear it on the radio (of course, to me it's musically beautiful too). I'm not sure what that says about my personality (I prefer not to delve too deeply there!), that I'm a depressing person? Maybe...but I'm so thankful that God gave us music, and that I have songs to touch my heart and soul...and fit all my moods.

So, how about you? What song speaks to you deeply (brings a smile to your face or a lump to your throat), and why? What does that say about you? Talk to me.

Home Remedies and Healthy Alternatives #1

Coconut Oil--my new friend.  I am woefully and many times willfully ignorant about healthy stuff (and alternately, unhealthy stuff). I am trying to be better. I want to live a healthy, active life with my family and friends (whether it's a long one or not...that's up to the Lord). I want to be a healthy weight for me, so I can be of service to God and my family and friends and community, and so I will put less stress on my heart and joints! I want to be fit so I can play with my grandkids (which includes being able to sit on the floor with them, then get up again!!). I have been working on it, and I continue to improve.

I am committed to learning more about eating healthy and recently went on a six-week elimination diet to help me figure out some foods that don't help my body, and some new ones that do. Now, I did this same diet about a year ago (or so), and learned that soy and corn are not my friends (although not deadly for me, just some negative side affects that I want to avoid when possible....like moodiness, achy legs, sleeplessness). So this time I was going to try some different foods to isolate. All this to say, the only thing I ADDED on a daily basis this time that I didn't use last time is coconut oil. I tried a few other things, but I have been using coconut oil in place of butter every single day....on my brown rice in the mornings for a little moisture, on my sweet potato or veggies at night for the same reason, 1-2 tablespoons per day. It has been great alternative! 

But here's the kicker. I have had a tender spot on the corner of my right index finger for quite a while. I've lost count, but I'd say at least three years. It has annoyed me no end, because it seemed to come out of nowhere, just suddenly I had this weird cracked spot on the outside of my finger about where the nail and cuticle meet...you know, that spot where a little callous forms from the rub at the side of your finger. You trim it, then it's smooth, no problem. Except mine would form a bigger hard callous that would hurt, and when I would trim it, it would bleed from 3 tiny blood vessels too near the surface and ALWAYS have a split there, no matter what I did. I tried filing it, I tried deep moisturizing, I tried antibiotic ointment and a bandage on my finger. About a month after beginning to eat coconut oil I suddenly noticed that the split had completely healed and it wasn't sore any more. It's just gone....after 3 years, it's just gone. A small victory, but pretty amazing to me, since it was a constant irritant for several years.

"Wow, that's....um....interesting," you're probably saying to yourself. A healed finger. But wait, there's more! At my age, I have several small, but irritating maladies going on. Another that I have been dealing with for about 8 years is Rosacea, which is a skin condition that my family doctor once described as kind of adult acne. Having "suffered" from it for quite a while, I would say that description is not accurate, but close enough I guess. I have Googled it a couple of times, and my symptoms seem pretty common. It focuses at the center of my face, making my cheeks, chin, nose, and the middle of my forehead red, the skin gets rougher and thicker, and sometimes there are little bumps on the affected areas, like acne. Over the years mine has (very) slowly, gradually gotten worse, and I only knew a few ways to keep it at bay, not make it improve, like NOT scrubbing it with a washcloth or scrub or using hot water, which only makes it redder and irritated, and using a gentle non-soap cleaner (like Cetaphil), an enzyme peel about once a week to gently exfoliate the dry skin patches that accompany it, a gentle non-oily moisturizer in small amounts. Gentle and non-irritating is the key here, I guess you got that. Anyway, a couple of weeks after I started the coconut oil, I noticed that my skin was less red, and it was not as thick and feeling smoother. I'm not sure whether it will ever be "cured", but it has definitely improved, enough to where I don't feel the absolute necessity to cover it with make-up just to face people outside of our house! 

I emphasize the fact that I have been eating it, not rubbing it on myself. It is supposedly beneficial to put it directly on your skin too, but I feared it clogging my pores, since I have rather large ones. But that's an experiment for another day....for now, I've become a firm believer in the power of the coconut! There are actually other great benefits of this "miracle nut"....you should Google it!

Retail Manners #8

Please give the customer in front of you in line their space (and time with the cashier).  The pace of our society is too fast. Even here in this more-laid-back city, everyone seems to be in this big rush all the time. People become harried, and because of that, they become preoccupied...at least that's the reason I use to "excuse" bad or rude behavior sometimes. People are in a hurry to get where they're going, to get all the things on their lists done, to get back to work, or to get home from work because they have a list of things to do there. People become pushy and aggressive, and one way this exerts itself is to try to "push" the line forward a little by crowding the person in front of them. Back off! You're not going to get your transaction done any quicker by staring at the person ahead of you or boring a hole in the cashier with your eyes. Some crowd so closely behind the one in front that they can actually watch the person put their PIN in the card reader. That's too close. Personal space, people. I absolutely hate to feel crowded. One way I keep the hounds at bay when I'm the one in line is to keep my cart behind me once I've emptied it. At least that way I don't feel like someone is actually looking over my shoulder.

On a similar note, please wait your turn to talk to the cashier about your transaction. Just wait. It's not that difficult, just hang on to your thought about doubling your coupon, or that thing you've decided not to buy....you won't forget, honest. Just wait until the person in front of you gets their receipt and takes their bags. They deserve the cashier's undivided attention for that few minutes that its their turn, just like you do. Insisting on telling the cashier your oh-so-very-important message before they have finished with their current customer is VERY rude. You know, I like to smile at the next person in line and say "hi" while I'm scanning the first's items, but I have this habit (right or wrong)...if I can tell that the next customer is really antsy and impatient from my peripheral vision, I will purposely not make eye contact, if I can help it, until it's their turn. Sometimes it works, sometimes they'll butt in anyway, whether I've acknowledged them or not. Yes, it really bugs me. Take a chill pill, okay?

Retail Manners #7

When you have your children with you, use it as a training tool...and the younger, the better. Oh. My. Goodness. What people let their kids do in (and to) a store is unbelievable.....almost. I've seen so much of it now, I'm hardly surprised anymore. Disgusted, maybe....embarrassed for the parent(s), often....but not surprised. I understand that many people nowadays were raised poorly, so they don't know any better. They treat their children, and retail establishments, the way they were trained themselves. It really makes me kind of sad sometimes, but I'll admit it, usually I just feel frustrated and irritated. They just don't control their kids. People let their kids ride along standing up in the cart (dangerous of course), they let their kid stretch out on the "shelf" under the cart (soooooooo dangerous....and STUPID), they let their kids play with stuff, all kinds of stuff, and just leave it on the floor. They don't make their kids help, they give in on a treat or toy after threatening (over and over) to nix the treat/toy if they don't behave....and they don't behave and still get the treat. Dumb. But it's the teenagers that get to me. I have actually seen a mother pushing a cart with a teenage girl sitting in it playing with a phone while mom shops, and of course she's full grown, so mom has to try to fit the groceries around her or in the little basket up front where your purse goes. Honestly, I feel like yelling at the kid, "Get out of that cart, and stop making it harder for your mother, you lazy little twit!" Sigh. No, I never say those things (I really don't want to get fired), and I have been trying harder to think loving thoughts toward people. Maybe she's mentally challenged, maybe she has a sprained ankle, maybe she's super-tired from studying all night for her SAT's, maybe she's got bad cramps...maybe. And I've also seen a mother buying groceries for a whole family, and two or three big kids are just standing there while she loads the bags back into the basket all by herself.

Now, there's another side to that coin, where I feel bad for the kid(s). We have a woman who comes in regularly with her three small, usually dirty, children (and she's pregnant with #4), and as soon as I hear her loud voice, I know exactly who it is. She doesn't seem like a mean person, she just has no clue how to be an effective parent and make her children mind, so she yells.....and yells. Poor kids. Many parents understand not to yell at, embarrass, or belittle their kids in public, but there are those low-class people who just don't get it (if only they could see and hear themselves on tape!!!). Sometimes, it just breaks my heart for the kid.

Other parents (usually moms), are in too big of a hurry to let their little ones help....help put the items on the belt, help put the bags in the cart. Come on, mom, let them help. They want to please you so much, and honestly, they'll be much more likely to do it later when you really want them to, if you let them do it now. It doesn't slow you down that much, or wreck your precious obsessive, control-freak system for how your grocery bags go back in the cart. You can teach so many small but important lessons to your children out in public settings, not to mention just setting that great example of good manners and gracious behavior. Take the opportunity! When I see a child (younger than teen, I try not to be condescending to them....they're so touchy) being helpful, sometimes without even being prompted, I make sure I tell them what a good helper they are. Sometimes they just beam that someone noticed their efforts (and sometimes mom comes out of her intense "shopping mode" to notice something she hadn't....).

Kids are great, and they absorb everything like a sponge. Make sure what they're soaking up is NICE. Teach them to talk politely to people and look them in the eye, teach them to leave the merchandise alone, that it's NOT theirs until you buy it, teach them to look for opportunities to be helpful to mom and dad AND others (teach them that the carts are NOT toys or their personal transportation....HA!). Public places are a great classroom, if you are always looking to teach...

Retail Manners #6

Say "hello" before you make a request. When I'm walking through the store (usually on my way to my break or to clock out), I am often stopped by people asking where something is. In fact, I will stop and ask someone if they need help when they have a puzzled or lost look on their face. But here's the thing. I am happy to help you find your "whatzit", but can't you take that little moment to greet me first? Almost every single time (and I mean that literally), people just walk up and ask their question, often not even very politely. "Hello, do you work here?" "Hello, can I ask you a question?" "Hello, I'm having trouble finding -----, could you help me?" That is just not that difficult to add. I'll admit it, I have a tendency to use what I call "aggressive friendliness". They walk up and ask their question, and before I answer, I say with a big ole' grin, "Hi, how are you today?" Sometimes, people actually get it and look a little sheepish and reply in kind, but most don't....they just kind of grunt and wait impatiently for my help. Please include a greeting with your request....it really doesn't take a second, it's friendly, and it encourages us to feel more helpful!

Retail Manners #5

Give your "go-backs" to the cashier. If you change your mind about an item, there is no shame in that. All of us change our minds occasionally either because we just don't want it or decide we can't afford it at the moment. Don't leave things where they don't belong. Salespeople find stuff in the shelves all over the store all the time, and we cashiers have tried to figure out why people put their unwanted items into the impulse shelves when we're right there, but we find all kinds of things shoved in with the candy and beef jerky on a daily basis. Please, just hand it to the cashier. We don't mind....really. A cashier a few weeks ago at my store was smelling something bad near her register and after searching diligently, she located some raw meat that had been shoved way back behind the candy that had gone bad...who knows how long it had been there! On a similar note, please remember that if you change your mind on many refrigerated or frozen items and hand them back, we have to send them to claims and take a loss on them. By law, we can't put those things back, even if you assure us that you just got them out. Just so you know....

I have to talk a little more here about this subject, because it really is a sore spot for me. To me, there are so many ways that people show poor manners in stores, but treating the store and merchandise badly is so common today. People leave their Starbucks cups on the shelves instead of finding a trash can. They leave unwanted items EVERYWHERE. If a piece of clothing falls on the floor while they are looking through the racks, they just leave it there. Didn't your mother teach you any better than that? Visiting a retail store is like visiting someone's home. That's the way I feel about my store...this is my "home" and you are trashing it. When I visit your home, I don't toss my used paper towels on the floor of your kitchen or bathroom. I don't shove my used dishes behind your books on the bookshelves, I don't knock something off your table and just leave it and say nothing. Please try to think of the underpaid workers who have to deal with the messes you leave in your wake....honestly, they really have other work to do besides cleaning up after you. Little things mean a lot. Find a trash can for your trash (and if you miss the trash can, for goodness sake pick it up and try again). Try to put things back the way you find them (the attempt is worth something). I could say so much more on this subject, but I will leave you with this....I have thought for many years that EVERY person in America should have to work in a "service industry" job for at least a month between the ages of 18 and 21...either a retail store or fast food or housekeeping or waiting tables or something. I know it would make consumers more thoughtful of the people that do work in those jobs...I know it's made me use better manners toward others, because I know what it's like...I've walked in their shoes. Think about it.

Retail Manners #4

Get off the phone. Please. Although most people stay off the phone while checking out, it is becoming more and more commonplace, especially with the under-forties. It's not just that it's incredibly rude to be talking on the phone when you're checking out with the cashier. The phone CAN wait five minutes, unless someone is dying, in which case, what are you doing still in line? Also, I am a human and I try hard to be efficient and perfect, but I do make mistakes. Stuff does ring up the wrong amount sometimes. I might miss a discount sticker or a coupon attached to a product. You need to be paying attention to what I'm doing. This is your stuff and your money we're dealing with. What if I short you on your change? Be in the moment with me, okay?

Retail Manners #3

Don't treat the cashier like your own personal slave. Yes, cashiers are in customer service. And yes, we are there to serve you...we get paid that handsome salary to do so. But you can treat us with respect, like putting a "please" with your requests, so it doesn't sound quite so much like a demand. You don't have to toss things at us, or snatch your money out of our hands, or roll your eyes if we're not quite as fast as you "need" us to be (this includes heaving a big sigh when there is a hold-up....usually it's not our fault, just stuff that happens, and if it is, hey! we're only human and make the occasional mistake.

Retail Manners #2

Converse with the cashier in a nice way. I think people don't realize how rude they come across sometimes, how terse. Really, is it that hard to say, "No, thank you," instead of just a curt "No?" Or at least a "no" with a smile? "Would you like the extended warranty with that?" "No thank you." Is that so hard? Along the same lines, please don't vent your frustration over the long lines (or whatever you feel the need to gripe about....dirty store, screaming children, something missing that you wanted to buy, etc) to the cashier...there is really nothing we can do about it, and MOST of us are doing the very best we can to speed things along and get you out of there as quickly and efficiently as possible. If you do have a legitimate gripe, and urgently need to convey it to someone, ask to speak to a customer service manager....that's their job to listen to grievances and try to fix problems. Don't take it out on the poor cashier, who can only do his/her job (and I can assure you, knows absolutely nothing about that fancy mustard that always seems to be out).

Retail Manners #1

Look your cashier in the eye, smile, and say hello. I know this seems like an obvious one, and that's assuming that your cashier is trying to make eye contact with you (I know, I know, there are a lot of unfriendly cashiers out there....but remember this is about you, you can't control another person's actions or attitudes, just yours. Good manners come from a genuine desire to be nice to people, no matter how they act toward you. You might totally make that cashier's day). I know as a cashier myself, I try to make eye contact, smile, and say hello to every single customer that comes through my line. I am also supposed to say, "Welcome to ---------" and "Did you find everything okay today?" and "Do you have any coupons to use today?" But you know, if I smile and say hello, I figure I can be forgiven if I forget the other stuff sometimes....

Let's talk!

I haven't posted in a while.....again. I want to blog, I love to write and I like to talk about stuff, but you know, I don't particularly want to talk about me much, about what's going on with me. It's not that interesting, and I either sound whiny or boasting. But I have come up with something that I DO want to talk about.....good manners. "Oh brother," you might say to yourself, "who cares about that." Well, if you don't care about manners, then from what I've seen lately at my job, as a cashier with a VERY large worldwide discount store which shall remain nameless, you're not alone. It seems that manners are passe', people are definitely not teaching them to their kids, that's for sure. Now I have to insert here that I live in a very conservative, religion-concentrated city, and there are a lot of nice, friendly, polite people here....it's one of the reasons that I love living where I live, one of the reasons we chose this area. So if there are lots of rude, ill-mannered people here, I make the assumption that there are plenty of places where it's worse, much worse.

I have read different books and articles on good manners, and in this blog I will occasionally, maybe even often, quote other sources. But I will start today with my own feelings about good manners, after all, it is my blog. From my observations, true good manners come from a person's genuine desire to make others feel comfortable, at ease, and to show respect. Manners flow from kindness and goodwill toward people in general (and it used to be taught to all children at home and in school, along with other ancient relics, like good morals from Bible stories). Now, being polite (again, to me) is a different matter. Our society pretty much demands politeness from its citizens, at least in public settings, if they want to live and function within the society. You can be perfectly polite and still drip your contempt for another person. But if you're using good manners, you at least make the attempt to hide your ill-will, and slap a smile on your face and be nice. Personally, I prefer good manners.

Whether you agree with my definitions or not, it's a fact that society was just a nicer place when people used good manners more often. Yes, it can get a little ridiculous if taken too far, but isn't everything like that? So, I'm going to give a little free advice on my blog. Oh, I'll probably address other bees in my bonnet, but several times a week, I'm going to be giving manners lessons....short little tidbits about treating others nicely and with respect and dignity. I'll probably be stepping on some toes....including mine.

How do I fix my head?

My brain is a mess, I mean truly a chaotic mess. I have realized a few things about myself. I am constantly trying to keep ahead of my household mess, because it represents what goes on in my head constantly. I often wonder if i have ADD, because I have witnessed it in some people close to me, and I see the same patterns of behavior in myself. I am constantly frustrated at the lack of organization in my home, because it feels like that just shows exactly how my brain functions....if I could just organize my house and make it "perfectly orderly", then I could do the same thing with my own thoughts. Making lists helps somewhat, but I forget to make the lists, and I forget to check them. Keeping a journal helps somewhat, but I forget to write in it, I forget I even have one. The chaos in my head really gets to me. Then I have short periods of clarity, where I try to set some goals, I try to "regiment" myself somewhat, I make lists, I set goals, I make a schedule for my daily activities....then I spend the next several days completely depressed because a large part of me doesn't WANT to be organized, doesn't WANT to be scheduled, doesn't WANT to have to work that hard to make my life work. Then I completely forget that I have these lists and goals and schedules and I have to remind myself all over again what I want and why. I forget to pray, I forget to read, I forget to paint, to write, to do all those things that really do help and make me feel better.

Oh, it's not all bad. My daily habits are somewhat better than they used to be when I was younger, and I am definitely more efficient in my work. I am able to stay on task better, and I am a lot faster at doing chores than I was 30 years ago....when I absolutely have to accomplish something on a deadline, I am able to organize my time and get most of what I need to get done, done. I am better about just doing what I can and letting the rest go, and not hating myself too much because I'm not totally successful at organization sometimes. I realize that I often overestimate how much I can get done, because I usually underestimate how long it will take me to do each item on my list. I realize that being perfectionist and completely hard on myself IS mostly in my head, and that I am a hard worker, fairly intelligent, and not lazy (most of the time). I am persistent, and I have never completely given up on myself, even if I often want to.

But having just had my 54th birthday, I am a little depressed with myself, and a whole lot frustrated. I am fighting the same battles, struggling with the VERY SAME weaknesses and frailties that I have been battling my whole adult life. I recently went back and read some journal entries from the last two or three years, and I am a broken record. I have been whining about the same things, and repeating the same failing patterns for so many years. I just can't seem to make lasting changes within my head (leading to better habits of behavior).

So.......what now? Where do I go from here? How can I make these changes I want to make? How can I maintain focus and self-control long enough to create better habits for myself? Sigh....maybe I can Google it.

Happy New Year (with an emphasis on HAPPY)

Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I get so focused on the minute little details of life that I totally lose sight of the big picture. I become so focused inwardly that I don't look OUT. I forget to pray, I forget to focus on the Lord, I forget to be thankful, and then I become really depressed and stressed. Such a seemingly simple thing as counting my blessings has such a huge impact on my life. It makes all the frustrations and irritations totally worth it. It reminds me why I keep plugging along with my life, even when I'm so tired. It helps me to keep trying to mature and grow as a Christian, as an individual. It makes me want to keep trying to find the time to create, to express my inner spirit. Gratitude to God for my life and everything in it (especially for the glorious life to come) makes this life magical and happy and I have to stay focused on THAT.

With that in mind, I will work on my goals for 2013 (which, for those of you who know me, are usually comprehensive and abundant). I will try to be very specific and more narrow in scope this year. I really want to accomplish a change in habits more than anything, which should serve me the rest of my life if I can make them stick this year. Please keep me in your prayers as I work on my list! I will post after I solidify my resolutions.