Book Review --- Sort Of

I recently tried reading a book titled The Laws of Simplicity by Jon Maeda. I slogged through the first two or three chapters, then skimmed ahead to see if there was going to be anything I could glean for myself from this very technical book. There wasn't.

Don't get me wrong, it is a well written book with some very good insights for today's technological age and business climate. I think business owners could gain a great deal from it, especially if you have a product to produce and sell, or need some insights in marketing your product or services. But it was a hard read (my impatience rears its ugly head here), and because there was no clear cut value obvious for personal growth, I gave up on it (and it is a rare occasion that I don't read a book cover to cover...I always feel I should give the author every opportunity to touch me).

My thinking is there are literally thousands of self help and personal growth books out there. I would probably not be able to read all of them in a lifetime, so I can discard one that is not immediately helpful or is obviously out of my league, like this one.

I am currently reading one book and alternately listening to another one on audiobook. I'll be able to review both of those soon. In the meantime, I'll keep working on my baby steps.....falling down....laboriously pulling myself up again.....never giving up.

Another Finished Project --- This Time Finished By ME

This is a quick update to show an item on my "unfinished business" list that I actually completed (instead of my son doing it for me). I've had this photograph for several years of my brother-in-law, which I thought to do a black and white wash of. I love this photo, so it's been in my head for quite some time. I may still try a grayscale watercolor of it, but because I was just trying to get myself to do something, ANYTHING, I did a pencil drawing of it instead. I did put some time in on it, probably 4-5 hours (I'm really not sure, because I started it back in February and just made myself get back to it last week), but to perfect it would have taken at least another 2-3 hours, and I wasn't looking for perfection, just doing the work.

Just so you know, I'm like any other artist that ever lived; I don't like sharing my work unless I'm really happy with it, but I do partly to acknowledge to myself that I completed something and not to belittle that in my head, and partly to encourage others to chase their dreams. If I can make myself work in spite of all my fears, others can too. So here it is....perhaps I'll title it, "Man in Suit and Hat".

Annie --- Part LIX

I had my 58th birthday yesterday, and I must say it didn't feel too bad. My family spoiled me just like they know I love for them to do, I got something I've been asking for, and a couple of nice surprises too. AND I received well wishes from many friends and family, at church, at work, and across the nation. I feel loved. What more can you ask?

But besides all the brouhaha (that I absolutely love, don't get me wrong), it felt good for another reason. There have been many birthdays, especially since #40, where I have been like, "AAAAAACK! Another year! I've wasted ANOTHER YEAR! I need to get busy!!!" Yes, I scream and panic in my head just like that. But not this year. This milestone's arrival felt just fine, because I know in my head and heart that I'm trying. I'm trying to grow spiritually, mentally, artistically, physically, financially, lovingly, faithfully, and all the other positive "-ly's" that you can think of. I'm working hard to become the person that I really want to finish my life being (and I constantly stop myself when I start feeling guilty and regretful for so much wasted time and mental energy, avoiding being better....it's so pointless....today is my gift, I intend to use it like I'm grateful for it).

As I've already mentioned, It's tough, this "becoming." But as all the books and articles I've read so far keep reiterating, it's the journey not just the destination. Enjoy the journey. I'm really trying to learn to enjoy the journey, embrace the work, and NOT FEAR the failures, the defeats, the temporary setbacks that come with all growth. I want to appreciate those challenges. I'm not perfect, I'll never be perfect. But the Lord says I can be complete, equipped for all good works. That's the target. That's where I'm aiming. Will I know it when I get there? Ha! Probably not, knowing me. But that's okay too. The journey will keep me very busy and satisfied.

Today I feel satisfied with my life.

Change Is So Hard

"I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden." Anybody out there remember this song by Lynn Anderson, 1970? Sometimes when I get whiny with myself (this happens far more often than I would like to admit), I think of that song.

Change is hard. Yes, surprise surprise! Aspiring to reach goals, trying to do something with myself, replacing bad habits with good ones, these things are amazingly difficult. And yet, sometimes amazingly simple. IF you keep your focus on them, keep your "eye on the ball" as I've been hearing a lot since it's baseball season.

I let my focus waver the last couple of days, after having a very good first week of May. You think you're going along nicely, and then BAM! All of a sudden it's been two or three days and you've let slide those great habits you're trying so hard to ingrain.

But something good IS happening. My brain is starting to change, just a little at a time. Since it's been thinking in a different way, firing on cylinders that had grown somewhat rusty, the habits are starting to change. Take last night for example. Even though I've only been trying to use my time differently for about 10 days, and I haven't tried to completely cut wasting a little of that time on games out of my life, when I had the chance to play on my tablet last night before bed I wasn't really interested. Now, there's another little voice in my head telling me, "You could work an interesting puzzle instead or send a nice email to a friend." OR "You haven't read your 10 pages today, why don't you do that?" And yesterday on my lunch hour at work, I did play one of my favorite games on Facebook, but afterward I definitely felt unsatisfied. I could have been enjoying a good book.

These little daily disciplines are already starting to pay off. Yes, I'm kind of amazed. But again, it is SO easy to get distracted by....well.....almost anything. I do think I understand the extreme importance of reading my goals written in my own hand every day, to keep a journal chronicling my efforts (even if it's just for ten minutes a day), to think about the good things I want to accomplish for myself and my loved ones, to pray about it and tell the Lord my thoughts and feelings and ask Him to direct me, and to talk about it to people who are rooting for me and willing to listen to my rants and crows.

Nobody ever said change was easy. Nobody with sustained personal success of any kind will tell you that it happened overnight. Change is hard, and finding fulfillment in your life takes time. Lots and lots of time. Patience is one of those virtues with which I have not been "naturally" blessed. I have always battled my impatient nature (and today's fast-paced-give-it-to-me-NOW society doesn't help!). The fight to patiently work and wait for my personal success is worth it.

Amazing Book Here

I finished another self improvement book, and I must say, it's a great book. I think I would give it 4.5 out of 5 stars (and the only reason I don't give it a 5 is a quibble really....it was not as "enjoyable" a read as some of the others I've read). But this book can change your life if you absorb it and let it work for you.

It's called The Slight Edge, by Jeff Olson. I'll bet there are a million people who have read this book, and I'll also bet that the top 5% of people who are very successful have ALL read it. It's a really good book. It really can change your life for the better.

But there is a catch. This book won't make you successful. It can help YOU make you successful, whatever "successful" means to you. It gives you the tools needed to feel happier, more connected to your life...more in charge of your own life, more productive, more satisfied with the direction your life is going.

It's not a "magic bullet". Making changes in life is a tough business, and there's no magic about it. It takes time....lots of time....to be the person you want to be, the person God wants you to be. But anybody can get there! That's the beauty of it.

And here's the big question Mr. Olson wants you to ask yourself, that really had an impact on me. "How do you want to feel about your life at the end of it?" He says that 95% of people die unfulfilled, frustrated, and dissatisfied with the way their life has played out. Only 5% of people, at the end of their lives, feel happy and satisfied with their life. Now, I have no way of knowing if that statistic is accurate, but I'm guessing that's probably pretty close to accurate. We all know lots of grumpy, dissatisfied people, who's lives are not going the way they want or were expecting it to go. Nobody PLANS on having a crummy life.

My feelings about my past are mixed, as I assume the majority of people feel. Would I change the choice to spend my life serving the Lord, trying to be closer to Him, trying to make it to heaven? Absolutely NOT!!! Would I change my choice of spouse or whether to have children (even after going through plenty of hard times?) NO WAY! But...would I make some different choices in my life knowing now what I didn't know then? Of course I would. Wouldn't we all? I especially would change the choices I have made concerning how I have spent my time.....I have WASTED so much time in my life, spent lots of time actually "escaping" into useless endeavors, and that is my biggest regret.

Here's the great news. I can stop looking at my past, fix my habits, and look POSITIVELY toward my future, any time I want....like right now! I can become so much happier with myself and the direction of my life immediately. And I did....by reading The Slight Edge and applying it in my life.

I've said this with each book so far, and I'll keep repeating it. Nothing can replace the Bible for learning what God wants for me, and teaching me HIS wisdom. But you know what? This book even helped me re-commit myself to that, on a daily basis! I decide my life's philosophy, and my attitudes toward everything. I decide how to spend my precious time and personal resources. The slight edge just gives me a place to start, and tools to help me head toward my goals, with little baby steps one day at a time.

There are lots of good books out there that will help a person make better choices, have a more postitive outlook, and do great things with his/her life. And I plan to keep reading more (10 pages a day at a time). This book is a great place to start.

Switch!

In my last post, I promised a review of a self-help book. Hmmm, well, I've made an executive decision to review a different book. The one I started, Split Second Choice, I haven't finished yet. The applications in it are mostly in business settings, which just didn't "speak" to me personally. I will probably finish that book at some point, because it is one of my compulsions. I hate leaving a book unfinished even if I don't like it; I keep thinking there might be something for me somewhere in it, and I am over halfway finished with that one.

At the moment, I have about six self improvement books from the library to read and review (and use for my own improvement of course, which is the whole point of this exercise). I will interject here that, as a Christian, I firmly believe everyone should make an effort to read the books of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes in the Bible at least once a year for practical wisdom on living life as a human trying to be godly (or at least a good and wise person, which most people want to be, even if they don't believe in an all-powerful Creator they are striving to please). Anyway, back to my review...

I have devoured a book in the last week, which DID speak to me in a profound way, Switch (How To Change Things When Change Is Hard), by Chip Heath & Dan Heath (brothers). Not only did I find the book very informative in understanding why (my) change is hard, and how to overcome problems and resistance, but the (true life) research examples were fascinating, and the writing was well done (which can be such a distraction for me if I'm constantly correcting things in my mind). I read all the way through first, planning to go back and outline and take notes for myself, but (hey! what do you know!) at the end was a nifty little page with an outline of all the stuff to remember AND a section on typical problems and resistance to changes and how to overcome them. So helpful! This is definitely one of those books I would gladly read more than once to glean all I can from the teaching.

A brief synopsis of the book is that each of us has an emotional side and a rational side in our brains. Their metaphor is an Elephant (emotional side --- great analogy, since our emotions are HUGE and hard to control!) and a Rider (rational side --- the thinker and planner). Both sides have strengths and weaknesses, and to make a change you have to learn how to direct the Rider and motivate the Elephant. The third piece to the change puzzle is the Path (environment and situation). You also have to shape the Path to make the change easier for the Rider and the Elephant.

The Heath brothers have given so much clear direction on these three components, with specific examples for each, that it's almost impossible to misunderstand or be fuzzy about how to achieve lasting change. The hard part, of course, is applying the principles to your own specific situation, but they try hard to make it as easy for you as possible, whether it be in a business setting, or your community (or nation!), or in a relationship, or the very personal habit you're trying to achieve (or break!).

Yes, I highly recommend this book to anyone who is struggling to make a change in their life. I'll update another time whether I am able to make application and succeed in developing my own better habits.

I Think I'm Beginning to "Get It"

In my search for productivity, self-fulfillment, joy and all that other good stuff I want to develop in my life, I have been setting goals. And I felt like they were good goals, and they are...as far as they go. But I'm starting to realize that my goal-setting skills themselves have been inadequate. They are specific goals in five distinct categories, but geared only toward the end of the year...end game. I haven't broken each goal down at all, so that I have something to strive for quarterly, monthly, weekly, daily. No wonder I've been floundering in the execution of these goals. (I would normally do some self-flagellation here, but I'm trying to stop that....I won't call myself an idiot, I'll just be happy that I figured out something new so early in the year and have lots of time to improve!) I have been waaaaay vague in my expectations, so I've been getting almost NOTHING accomplished. Time to change that!

Take, for example, my painting/drawing. This is my YEAR OF UNFINISHED BUSINESS, which I thought of because of all the started or at least thought-of projects that have been just hanging around on a list, and in my head, for a couple of years (well that, and the weight I planned on losing for seven years). So I was thinking about that the other day and decided to break that goal down into projects with projected timelines. Excluding the two or three things on the list that I no longer even want to pursue at the moment (hey, I can do that, it's my list), and separating the writing projects into their own category (because I want to try working on "art" and writing projects simultaneously, so to speak, that leaves 9 creative projects. And what do you know, 9 months in which to work through the list! I know that some projects will take much more time devoted to them than others (e.g. a drawing that I've already started that should reasonably take less than two weeks if I work on it a little daily and a children's book that I want to write that would have at least a dozen watercolors in it, each one taking at least a week to complete). You get the idea.

Anyway, I won't bore you with all the planning out that must be done, but I wanted to share my excitement at figuring out how to make some concrete and realistic goals (thanks, in part, to my friend and fellow "self-improver" Debbie, who graciously shared her Passion Planner with me...we may have to have several more of these discussions!). Now, to keep reading Split Second Choice so I can keep my excitement phase going!

I Have Found A Direction (at least temporarily)

I have been wanting to use this blog that I have had for SEVERAL years --- I'll bet most of you didn't know that; not surprising since I have been extremely sporadic in keeping up with it --- anyway, I've been wanting to use it THIS time to chronicle my journey from an apathetic, unmotivated, fat and tired life to an excited, motivated, healthy, joyful, productive and fulfilled life. Does that sound lofty? Improbable? Maybe. But I've been drifting along, depressed and apathetic for far too long. Listen to me, people. If you're not growing, improving, moving forward, then you are NOT sitting still, you are sliding back and down. That's the truth.

Now growing and improving is different for everyone. We all have different personalities, different goals, different abilities. And that's just fine, that's what makes the world so interesting! Some people want to be President (and we've seen the proof over and over that anyone can accomplish that!), some people want to be a best-selling author, or the best kindergarten teacher that ever lived. Many people don't want to be the best at anything, just a perfectly adequate version of themselves. And that's great too. But we all need to set goals and stretch and strive to attain them. That's part of being human. The Lord made us to be growing our whole lives, learning, experiencing, making the most of the one and only life he has given us. That's the way to be grateful for this life and to find your joy.

And the truth is, I've wasted much much time in my one and only life. I'm not trying to belittle my accomplishments, I'm being honest about the fact that I'm a time waster. I assume (perhaps wrongly, I don't know) that the majority of people out there are big time-wasters. I don't want to be part of that majority any more. No more just sitting, no more vegging out in front of one screen or other, shutting out the world and "escaping" from my own inadequacies (as I see them).

So here we are. And I had a bright idea. I'm seeking ways to improve my life, to improve my productivity (also studying to teach a short class in the fall on time management --- kills two birds --- I'm my own guinea pig!). One of the ways I'm doing that is to read several self-help books and a few blogs during the next five months. And you, my happy readers, will reap the benefit of these forays into the vast world of self-help. As I read each book, I will critique it right here, on my own little soap box! Doesn't that sound like fun? I knew you'd be thrilled. I know I am, just to be having bright ideas again --- thank you Lord, for that.

The first book I'm reading is Split Second Choice - The Power of Attitude, by Jim Winner (his real name). Yes, attitude really is everything...that's why I'm working to improve mine. I'll let you know how this one goes. If you've read it before, no spoilers please!

Today IS a Good Day

Things have not been going according to plan this year and yet, strangely, I feel determined and hopeful today. My unfinished business list is still there, just waiting for me to get busy on another item (the glory of having freshly painted walls has faded somewhat, time for a new challenge, one that I actually do myself this time...LOL).

My BIG goal that has taken up most of my concentration, dedication, and time, the thing that is constantly on my mind ---- getting healthy again, by eating great and exercising ---- has been hijacked partially by a very painful undiagnosed knee injury. But let me tell you about the new thing that's helping me with the healthy eating first.

My daughter came up with a very interesting calendar idea for keeping track of my (our) eating habits. You know, almost everyone who is successful in changing bad habits to good, whatever habit you want to change, has little tricks to help them form the new habit....a reward system (done that), journalling (when it comes to food I absolutely HATE having to write down every bite I put in my mouth, and I've tried it for several months, more than once, ick), joining some support group (yes, I've done that and paid good money to have complete strangers harass me AND cheer me on). For me, there is something immensely satisfying about coloring in little squares on a calendar. Don't ask me why, I have no idea, but it's working for me so far.

It's very simple (simple is always a winner with me). Using the healthy eating plan that my daughter is using for herself, basically paleo, we're using a color theme.

Green =  Eat healthy all day with no "cheats"
Yellow = Eat healthy, with just one "cheat" item that day
Red =     Eat mostly healthy, with only two "cheat" items that day
Black =  Three or more "cheat" items in a day

Naturally, we want the month to look mostly green and yellow, with only one or two red days scattered throughout -- NO black days (those are reserved for a major holiday) If we can accomplish two or three green days in a row, we allow ourselves a "cheat meal" where there might be two items at the same meal, and it's still a yellow day. NO cheat DAYS. That would be black! The thing that has helped me so much is seeing day to day how much I was cheating before and thinking that was okay, then wondering why I wasn't seeing it on the scales. I'm thrilled to report that I'm feeling much less puffy, have stopped having frequent heartburn (which helps my sleep!), and I've lost about 4 pounds --- without being able to be active at all!
I don't feel deprived (mostly), and I'm feeling like I'm accomplishing something good for myself.

I've been praying a lot about my attitude, and that the Lord would help me with my strength and determination. I prayed about my knee! I saw a doctor today --- long story short, he gave my knee a cortisone shot which has a good probability of helping to resume normal activity within a week! Yippee skippee!

Yep, feeling pretty good today.

Share Your Secret With Me Please

Okay, I'm baffled here. I honestly want to know your secret. You people who spring from your bed, (I'll give you a minor pass in the dead of winter --- it's tough for anyone that's snuggled nicely under the covers to be excited to get up in a cold room) joyously excited to begin another day. I know you're out there. I just don't know how you do it.

Don't get me wrong, I am a morning person. I have the most energy, think the clearest and get the most accomplished before one or two o'clock. I fade quickly after that. I'm even the most cheerful in the morning. It's just that it is SOOOOO HARD to make myself get up, to drag my carcass out of that bed. And of course it's even harder in the winter. AND I usually have to get up while it is still dark, and go to work in the dark, so it feels like it's still night time.

Oh yes, I can manage it easier when there's something really fun brewing, like a vacation. I can even push harder when there's lots to do and I'm expecting company that day. But on regular days, especially work days, how can I convince myself to stop pressing that snooze button and get up? I WANT to spring joyously out of bed and be excited for a new day, I really do. But so far, I haven't found a way to feel that.

Help!

IT'S TIME FOR A REALITY CHECK

I was talking with my daughter this morning (messaging --- we live all the way across the country from each other), and through that discussion, and a timely chat with my doctor coincidentally, I had a minor epiphany. I'll add here that I have had a couple of MAJOR epiphanies in the past ten years, but this one ranks up there pretty high, as far as minor ones go. Almost a major one, but not quite. Anyhooo....

It gradually hit me like a ton of bricks that I'm really not as young as I used to be. "Do tell?" you're probably thinking. "What are you, an idiot? You're pushing 60." Yes, I know I'm getting there. My aches and pains and minor maladies remind me on a daily basis. It's hard to put into words how I've been rationalizing my less-than-healthy lifestyle and habits. It's like my subconscious has stubbornly refused to believe that my body, muscle mass, metabolism, etc. is any different than it was 20 years ago, when menopause was still distant on the horizon and my inner workings were in top-notch condition, chugging away nicely. And it's not like I didn't see it coming. I remember writing in my journal (an on-again-off-again undertaking), while I was in my 40's, that if I didn't get the extra weight off before menopause, it was going to be twice as hard after.

Well, here I am folks. Post-menopausal, "cancer survivor" ---- so far, thank the Lord. It takes 5 years before they'll say you're really cancer-free, and it's been less than a year for me ---- and obese (with high cholesterol and borderline blood pressure). Yes, I can say that. 50 pounds or more and you are declared obese, it said so right on my cancer diagnosis. I got a good look at myself in a full length mirror today at the doctor's office, and it's been quite a while....QUITE a while. I look like Porky Pig. I'm not being unreasonably harsh with myself, I'm being honest. I am fat (remind me to share a brief encounter with a woman at work who was insistent that I am not fat .... that is really not helpful, lady).

Okay, I own it. Up front and in my face with it. Forget all the stuff I've been spouting about eating healthy and being motivated to exercise and wanting to get healthy. It's time to get real. To actually SEE the problem, accept it, and do something about it. It's time to get busy. I can do that.

Flagellation (and rant) Over --- Time for Action

I'm feeling better today. More my regular self today. And I've decided to give a common anti-procrastination trick a try. I've read in several self-growth places (books, magazine articles, websites and such) that you can begin a habit small and build from there. One source said you can start with just two minutes. That's all, just two minutes a day on a habit you want to develop. The key is to stick to it and do it every single day, just for two minutes. Another popular website says 15 minutes. If you hate doing something or at least keep putting it off, set your timer for 15 minutes and do that thing for 15 minutes every day until you have caught up on that chore. Eventually you do finish that "thing", just 15 minutes at a time.

I've always kind of just said, "Yeah, yeah" to this little trick, but I'm starting to see the value of tackling a tiny chunk of whatever Mt. Everest has me frozen into inactivity (this is a common occurrence with me). I may not be a world champion procrastinator, but with a few particular chores I can hang with the best of 'em. I actually procrastinate doing some of the things I profess to love doing, out of some kind of fear (failure? success? Who knows....who cares). The point is I fiercely want to be productive. I want to feel successful in my own life. I don't ask for that much. I don't care about being famous or rich (although having people see my art or read my novels and enjoy them would be very gratifying, even on a small scale). I just want to be productive and creative, enjoy serving my family, be more satisfied with myself, feel like I'm growing in the directions I choose.

So, with that in mind, part of this year's goals is about growing in focus and self control....big issues with me. Yesterday, I set the timer for 15 minutes 3 times to get a little bit done on the three things I really want to accomplish in my home on a daily basis: cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry, and basic straightening (2 minutes just doesn't seem like enough to feel like anything is accomplished). And I was able to get some of each done. Not caught up, but some work on each. I will do this every day for a week, and let you know how it's going.

Self Flagellation

How do I talk about this without sounding totally whiny? Sometimes (okay, a little more than sometimes), I really don't like me. My self-talk is usually negative (my mother's voice, as I've mentioned before), and everyone else seems to have a better handle on life, on productivity, on self control than I do (yes, I know I see the brightest happiest most productive faces on social media --- it works, I feel inadequate). I get so frustrated with myself and my lack of focus and self control.

Today is one of those one-step-forward-two-steps-back kind of a day. One of those days where I feel completely inept, incompetent, unintelligent, un-creative, procrastinating (I KNOW that one is true), unfocused, un- un- un- (add in fat and lazy, just for good measure).

I set goals, I make lists, I make a schedule (sort of), then totally disappoint myself when I can't stick to my super-aggressively-hopelessly-intimidatingly huge amount of goals. Okay, yes, I know I'm too hard on myself. And tomorrow I will probably rededicate myself to my goals, and pump myself up again. I'll read my goals and my ways to achieve them, I'll make a list, I'll try a new productivity technique, and I'll climb back up on that horse.

But for today, I'm bucked off and the horse is stomping on me while he whinnies gleefully. Today I hate that horse.

Unfinished business --- something now finished!

I can cross an item off my unfinished projects list for 2017 (you know, the Year of Unfinished Business, Part II). To be honest I didn't actually finish this project myself, but I don't feel bad about that even one teensy bit. Because it was painting my living room, and I really don't like to paint rooms.....watercolors yes, room painting NO. I will still consider it done, and I'm so grateful to my painter son for doing it for me. Um, it WAS because work is slow this winter for the contractor he works for, but I'll take it! He did a very nice job too. Can you see the two tone effect I chose? I love it! I haven't put anything back on the walls yet, but no biggie. Yay, a project done!

February --- double AAAACK!

Yes, it's February. I know, I know. Hey, don't roll your eyes at me. I already told you that getting myself together would be a struggle. It IS a struggle. I literally battle myself on a daily basis. Here's what I know so far.
1) Making a list for the day that has more than 5 or 6 things on it is just an invitation for disappointment in myself and frustration over my inability to mark things off a stinkin' list.
2) Some projects I want done, but I just don't want to do myself. And I really don't like to paint walls. I did most of the painting of two bedrooms in September, then couldn't get myself to do any more. My youngest son painted my living room for me this past week, and I am deliriously joyously thrilled with that...not only did it mark off one of my "unfinished business" items for this year, but I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT! Not to mention the fact that it looks VERY nice. Now how can I lure him into doing the rest? It won't take much, he's already offered to do all the upstairs trim for me if I buy paint. Yippee skippee!
3) I am so much a work in progress. I'm constantly tweaking my daily schedule to make everything fit better and I have this vain hope that if I work it all out just right, not only will I be able to fit everything in that I want to accomplish every day, but I'll have the energy and incentive to keep working from dark-thirty to bedtime without any rest or a nap or anything. What was that definition of insanity again, about expecting a different result?
4) I know that it takes a lot of work and mental strength to change my thinking. I have to keep going over my goals for the year, and trying to do daily things FOR MYSELF, for my own growth. Just going through the motions each and every day, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year is eventually going to sink me into such a depression I will never claw my way out of that deep deep well of despair. I'm talking job, housework, laundry, and cooking. I MUST find a way to get more fulfillment from my day than merely doing mundane tasks that I've been doing for over 45 years and never enjoyed much in the first place (some people truly enjoy keeping the home, cleaning, cooking...I do not understand those people). It just always seems like after I do all the "have-to's" there is no time and energy left for the "want-to's" and "NEED-TO'S". I'm not giving up, though. I can't give up. I will find a way. I'll just keep tweaking.

January 13 ----- Aaaaack!

I cannot believe we are already two weeks into 2017 and I am just now posting for the first time this year! Sigh. Just not enough hours in the day........not. enough. And yet, I'm exhausted at the end of the ones I do have, so I suppose it's just as well, isn't it?

So many things bubbling in my head today. You might be wondering how I'm doing on those many and wondrous goals I have set for myself this year. So many goals, so much chaos in my head! Well, let's see, I have been reading the Bible most days since sometime in December, so I'm a little ahead of the curve on that one. But here's the deal, I'm trying very hard to start reading the Bible to my grandson for 30 minutes most days, so I'm going to have to count that into my reading. He chose for us to start in Exodus, which coincidentally I was already starting to read for myself, so I think I'll concentrate on the Old Testament with him for now, and I'll make sure I read at least one chapter in the New Testament every day to compensate for the rest of my reading schedule. I think that will cover that part.

I have begun again The Traveler's Gift, and am committing to memory decision for success #1. I have several scriptures to go with this, and I'm going to choose two of them and add them to my Scripture Typer list to help me memorize them. Also, hubby and I were given a "couples devotional" type book by a friend, with 365 short devotions to do together, so we're doing that before bed at night. So far we like it pretty well.

I am, of course, struggling with my daily schedule, always changing when to do stuff and how to fit things in, and the list of things I want to get done on a daily basis. I was trying to do one basic chore every day, but I just don't think I'm going to be able to do that...there are just too many variables to my afternoons. Since I have Mondays off, I am trying to get at least two or three of them done on that day, and if I alternate a couple of them each week, at least the basics will get done every other week, and I think I can live with that. I'm not doing the kitchen and laundry every single day, but I'm keeping up with them pretty well. While my grandson was on Christmas vacation, the house stayed a wreck, but now that he's back in school, I'm able to stay on top of straightening a little better also.

Much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm going to have to exercise first thing in the morning during the winter months (which means getting up another half hour earlier --- ugh), not trying to do it after work for some of the same reasons as the chore thing, but also because I'm so tired after work that I just want to lie down and rest for half an hour when I get home, before cooking dinner. That may change with some herbs I'm going to try (more about that in a bit), but until I gain more energy, early morning will have to be it, except on Sunday and Monday (my days off). Since you don't know my daily schedule, I'll tell you. I have to be at work at 6am, and I currently try to get up at 4, but more often than not it's 4:30. If I'm going to exercise at least 30 minutes, I'll have to get up at 3:30....urghhhhhhhhh. I don't see any way around it!

As for my eating habits, they are a work in progress. For the moment, I'm trying to drink a lot more water and cut out almost all white sugar. I'm working toward a simplified "paleo" approach, which will basically be a lot more vegetables, some protein with each meal, good fats, limited fruit, low carb, but healthy ones, healthy grains on a limited basis, no white sugar or flour. I will probably allow myself one cheat meal per week (not a whole day!). One of the hardest habits for me to develop....it takes a LOT of pep talking to myself!

Ah yes, the Creative ME.....yes, she has been totally neglected so far, but I'm going over my goals for this year at least a couple of times per week, which helps keep them at the forefront of my mind. And see? I'm writing this blog.....finally....which is on my creative list of things to do. So it's a teeny tiny baby step of creativity but it IS being creative to write. So it serves a dual purpose. I'm holding myself accountable to my goals and I'm being creative at the same time.....well, at least relatively so. I know this post isn't particularly creative, or even interesting, but it's a start. I'll work on entertaining you later. Ha!

Well, there ARE other goals that I'm going to work on, but that's more talk for another day. For now, I'm pooped and going to toddle off to bed. Ta-ta, dear readers. Stay with me, it will get better....hopefully.