February --- double AAAACK!

Yes, it's February. I know, I know. Hey, don't roll your eyes at me. I already told you that getting myself together would be a struggle. It IS a struggle. I literally battle myself on a daily basis. Here's what I know so far.
1) Making a list for the day that has more than 5 or 6 things on it is just an invitation for disappointment in myself and frustration over my inability to mark things off a stinkin' list.
2) Some projects I want done, but I just don't want to do myself. And I really don't like to paint walls. I did most of the painting of two bedrooms in September, then couldn't get myself to do any more. My youngest son painted my living room for me this past week, and I am deliriously joyously thrilled with that...not only did it mark off one of my "unfinished business" items for this year, but I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT! Not to mention the fact that it looks VERY nice. Now how can I lure him into doing the rest? It won't take much, he's already offered to do all the upstairs trim for me if I buy paint. Yippee skippee!
3) I am so much a work in progress. I'm constantly tweaking my daily schedule to make everything fit better and I have this vain hope that if I work it all out just right, not only will I be able to fit everything in that I want to accomplish every day, but I'll have the energy and incentive to keep working from dark-thirty to bedtime without any rest or a nap or anything. What was that definition of insanity again, about expecting a different result?
4) I know that it takes a lot of work and mental strength to change my thinking. I have to keep going over my goals for the year, and trying to do daily things FOR MYSELF, for my own growth. Just going through the motions each and every day, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year is eventually going to sink me into such a depression I will never claw my way out of that deep deep well of despair. I'm talking job, housework, laundry, and cooking. I MUST find a way to get more fulfillment from my day than merely doing mundane tasks that I've been doing for over 45 years and never enjoyed much in the first place (some people truly enjoy keeping the home, cleaning, cooking...I do not understand those people). It just always seems like after I do all the "have-to's" there is no time and energy left for the "want-to's" and "NEED-TO'S". I'm not giving up, though. I can't give up. I will find a way. I'll just keep tweaking.