I....AM....UNFINISHED

Yeah, I know, we all are. We never "arrive" completely, do we? How utterly boring life would be if there were no more challenges, no more good things to strive for? But occasionally it would be really nice if I could say to myself, "Okay! I totally nailed that one! Now I don't have to struggle with THAT any more...on to the next challenge!" But, hey, that NEVER happens. I can't think of one thing I have completely and forever conquered that I can ignore and never think of, ever again. Punctuality? Nope, not that one. Oh yeah, I have improved over the years, but I continually struggle to be on time almost daily. Organization? Weeelllll, again, better than I used to be, but my head....my life....my home....continue to verge on utter chaos (and the chaos drives me INSANE, but it still creeps in constantly). Just not my strong suit. Sticking to a schedule. Sigh. I fear that one is a lost cause, but I never completely give up. Somehow, I keep hoping that one day I will awaken and be a robot or something and able to leap whole lists in a single check mark! (Okay, mixed metaphors....so shoot me.) My weight? Puh-lease....don't EVEN get me started....

You get the idea. I really do have a whole laundry list of traits I would love to develop or acquire, and bad habits I would appreciate being rid of. I accept myself the way I am much better than I used to. Years ago, I honestly just wanted to become a completely different person (my sister).....and had endless frustration because it was never going to happen, no matter how badly I wanted it. But still....I have an artist's spirit and brain, with an accountant's love of orderliness. It's just that the artist is very dominant and seems to live for chaos and mess (or doesn't care ENOUGH about my other half to accommodate it). I still make lists, and I can accomplish the items on that list if I REALLY focus on it (like a big party or other occasion coming up, where I absolutely MUST get everything done on time)...but the down side to that is, that much effort and focus makes me very cranky and impatient (just ask my family). I still make schedules, even though deep in my heart I know that the effort is practically useless and I will never stick to a schedule for more than a few days at the most. It's like......my very BEING rebels at the thought of being restricted like that. It's hard to explain.

But the new year is my very favorite time. It's like a clean slate, just waiting to be filled with lovely things, and I have (Lord willing) a WHOLE YEAR to accomplish ideas and goals. Yes, I admit that I'm not always good at actually DOING the things I plan, but the planning is exciting and fulfilling, and MOST years I can check off several of the goals by the end of the year. And there have been a few wonderful years, where I accomplished quite a lot. Those years I feel so GREAT at the end of the twelve months....and that feeling is what keeps me trying, keeps me planning and scheming and trying new things. And this year is no exception. I have high hopes for 2019. My year of "Health and Home".