Change Is So Hard

"I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden." Anybody out there remember this song by Lynn Anderson, 1970? Sometimes when I get whiny with myself (this happens far more often than I would like to admit), I think of that song.

Change is hard. Yes, surprise surprise! Aspiring to reach goals, trying to do something with myself, replacing bad habits with good ones, these things are amazingly difficult. And yet, sometimes amazingly simple. IF you keep your focus on them, keep your "eye on the ball" as I've been hearing a lot since it's baseball season.

I let my focus waver the last couple of days, after having a very good first week of May. You think you're going along nicely, and then BAM! All of a sudden it's been two or three days and you've let slide those great habits you're trying so hard to ingrain.

But something good IS happening. My brain is starting to change, just a little at a time. Since it's been thinking in a different way, firing on cylinders that had grown somewhat rusty, the habits are starting to change. Take last night for example. Even though I've only been trying to use my time differently for about 10 days, and I haven't tried to completely cut wasting a little of that time on games out of my life, when I had the chance to play on my tablet last night before bed I wasn't really interested. Now, there's another little voice in my head telling me, "You could work an interesting puzzle instead or send a nice email to a friend." OR "You haven't read your 10 pages today, why don't you do that?" And yesterday on my lunch hour at work, I did play one of my favorite games on Facebook, but afterward I definitely felt unsatisfied. I could have been enjoying a good book.

These little daily disciplines are already starting to pay off. Yes, I'm kind of amazed. But again, it is SO easy to get distracted by....well.....almost anything. I do think I understand the extreme importance of reading my goals written in my own hand every day, to keep a journal chronicling my efforts (even if it's just for ten minutes a day), to think about the good things I want to accomplish for myself and my loved ones, to pray about it and tell the Lord my thoughts and feelings and ask Him to direct me, and to talk about it to people who are rooting for me and willing to listen to my rants and crows.

Nobody ever said change was easy. Nobody with sustained personal success of any kind will tell you that it happened overnight. Change is hard, and finding fulfillment in your life takes time. Lots and lots of time. Patience is one of those virtues with which I have not been "naturally" blessed. I have always battled my impatient nature (and today's fast-paced-give-it-to-me-NOW society doesn't help!). The fight to patiently work and wait for my personal success is worth it.