I've been over and over this in my head for years. Don't misunderstand me. I have a strong faith that says my #1 priority in life is to love God and love my neighbor as myself. I want more than anything to spend eternity with my Creator when I die. Nothing trumps that, nothing is before that.
That being said, I also believe there are many many ways to show God that I love Him, to bring glory to His name, to love my neighbors. I try my best to study God's word and follow all that He commands me, to the best of my ability and "at my current level of understanding" ( :-) ). I try to serve Him by serving my family and friends/strangers with love and generosity. But I desperately NEED to do something creative to serve Him also. I have a creative urge that just won't be silent, won't leave me alone, won't let me be joyful without fulfilling that part of my spirit.
My schedule is very tight. I have much to do on a daily basis. I'm getting older and my energy level is not what it used to be, especially since I had surgery 5 months ago. FINDING time to do that which calls to me is so difficult. Here's how I see my current schedule (and I know it won't be this way forever, but I no longer am willing to wait until I have "more time" to pursue creativity):
24 HOURS IN A DAY -- (?) means I'm either not currently doing this but want to, or not doing it that much)
-7 hours sleeping (wish it could be 8)
17 hours left
-10 hours prepping for work, working
7 hours left
- .5 hours moving my body (?)
6.5 hours left
- 1 hour in Bible study and prayer (?)
5.5 hours left
-1.5 hours cooking dinner and eating it (varies a little)
4.5 hours left
-1.5 hours cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry, doing one daily chore (varies a little)
2.5 hours left
- 1 hour spent with family members (this is intangible of course, playing a game, watching TV with spouse talking with son, helping grandson with homework, etc - it's a conservative estimate that is hard to guess at and depends on the day and the activity)
1.5 hours left for creativity, more or less
Of course, this is all estimating. The only absolute is sleeping at least 6 hours a night and the 10 hours that I definitely spend on work stuff 5 days a week. I'm counting the above hours for work days. My days off are much looser, but I try to at least do the basics of keeping the house running on those days.
This last one and a half hours is usually spent plopped in front of the TV or playing something on my phone or tablet. I have this tiny little window of opportunity to use for myself, to use in a creative way, and I squander it, mostly. I don't consider myself a lazy person, but I am definitely a time waster after a long day of doing all the "supposed to's". I realize that I CANNOT be self-controlled and productive every waking moment of my life, that I have to be able to "waste" a small amount of time to decompress or unwind or I would expire from stress. My whole being completely rebels at that kind of structure. And that may be one of the reasons I've been depressed and apathetic. There are so many moments in my life that are required that I just don't want to do any more. So what do I do? How can I find that happy medium? That is exactly what I'm working on.......more to come.
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