Monday, July 7, 2014
One week tomorrow
I have mixed feelings about my first week. I haven't done too bad, and I lost a half a pound, which is always better than gaining. But I haven't been as good as I could be/should be, and I only exercised once (officially). I did ride my bike to and from work, which is anywhere from 5-10 minutes each way, depending on which route I take. It doesn't really seem to count though. I feel alone. I feel like there is no one to hold my hand and say, "I am here, I am with you, I won't let you fall." And I'm going to fall. I feel it, I have no confidence in my ability to stick with ANYTHING. I am a loser. I am weak. That's how I feel. It doesn't matter whether anyone reads this, everyone has their own lives, their own issues, their own challenges. Mine only matter to me. And I'm not good enough, not strong enough, to do this.
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All I have to say is :P You are NOT alone. You are GOING to do this! Stop with the negative self-talk or that will be a self fulfilling prophecy! I need you - you are my mother! I am there for you like you are there for me. You need to post links to your blog in the group to get encouragement and support. If you feel alone then you need to SEEK OUT PEOPLE WHO CARE because there are PLENTY out there who love you and care about you.
ReplyDeleteI'm reading! I don't comment much, but your challenges do matter! Food is so hard. I understand the struggles associated with changing your entire way of thinking about food. So much of our lives revolve around food. When we had to make dietary changes for Bailee, I was soooooo overwhelmed and just wanted to give up so many times. Researching and talking about food and things I've discovered about different foods and how they affect my body helps me to keep my thinking straight and keep me motivated to keep making more healthy choices. That's probably why I feel like I talk about this stuff ALL THE TIME! It's to keep me motivated and not to convince those around me. :) You definitely aren't alone, and you CAN do this! You are going to have bad days, and you are going to mess up. This is a journey and you can't always be perfect. You can't think of it as a failure, or you'll just stop altogether. Start again tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments.....it's hard for me to accept encouragement, because I have failed at this so many times. I'm not giving up. I'm not giving in. But my moods about the whole thing swing up and down from day to day. That's just the way it is. I have so many parts of my life that I'm working on at the same time that it's emotionally exhausting. And if I want to rant or vent on my own blog, I'm going to do it. It's the only place I can be completely honest about how hard this is for me, to talk about my depression, my frustration, my fear. I am not ready to share this on FB, if someone wants to come here and read this, then they'll just have to find it. I'm sorry if this honesty frustrates or discourages you, B. You are on your journey and I am on mine. You choose to be "accountable" very publicly and that helps you, and there are lots of people to encourage you, and that's great. I am truly sorry if I have made your life more difficult with my lifelong struggles....we do things to our kids that we would go back and do differently if we only knew at the time. I worked hard at never making you feel bad about your body, not knowing that how I felt about my own body would have that big an affect on you. I honestly have been working on my "body attitude" for several years, and I have come to appreciate it much more and be more grateful for it than I ever was. But bad habits and yo-yo dieting are a longtime battle that I have yet to conquer. I am trying. I'm proud of you for your strength and determination. I have always wanted to be more like you. But this is what I have to work with, and I must find a way to be strong for myself, and to lean on the Lord more. I love you, I respect you, I want you to succeed even more than I want me to....and I want that a LOT.
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